Chapter Seven: Pressure

Pressure. Pressure. Small pricks against my skin. Cold. Why am I cold? Nanda is in lessons, and is as confused by the sensations surrounding me as I am. Elene is with Bastian. Distracted, warm. Neither of them are what I am looking for I came looking for something—pressure—but now everything is jumbled.

Water in my eyes tells me they are open. I am looking up at the sky full of clouds and there is rain. Cold—pressure—that must be why—pressure—I am cold. Everyone is sleepy because of it, indoors, reading or talking or playing with their wristbands which I still don't understand. Pressure. Millions of dots against my skin like the minds in the dorms around me, but at this distance they all feel the same and I can't figure out why I am here. Why can no one tell me?

I latch on to someone nearby and have a fit of double-vision as I see me as them. Sitting in the middle of the path. Clothes soaked. Breasts showing through the shirt-cloth. Legs splayed like a filly still mastering walking. Eyes vacant. I hear a voice as I think the words it says.

“Oh, hell. Asha, is that you?”

Can't answer my own question. Pressure. I crouch down on the path and place my hands on my cheeks. I feel cold to my touch and I am worried I am going to get sick if I don't get me out of the rain soon.

“Hey. Asha?” I pat the side of my face gently and suddenly I am two people again. Pressure. Pressure.

“Asha, focus on me. Come on.”

Spots. Can't be Elene she's inside and female. Spots are freckles and I don't know very many people with those what is his name I know these hands.

“Remember me? Last time we met you were on the ground, too, only it wasn't raining. You're freezing, honey. Mind if I cover you up?”

My head shakes back and forth as my teeth begin to chatter. He makes rustling noises and soon his jacket is off and around my shoulders. I am enveloped by his scent and I can't feel the rain anymore. The smell of him triggers memories I couldn't recall on my own.

“Keven?” says my voice.

He gives me a relieved smile and wipes water off my forehead with his thumb. “What are you doing out here?”

“Looking for someone...”

“Who?”

“I don't know. We've never met.” I shake my head back and forth again and get water on his jacket. Everything is damp and smells alive. My teeth begin to annoy me with their chattering.

He sighs and gathers me up in his arms. I'm so light he could throw me, or hold me with one arm. I make him feel powerful. He gives me a smile to reassure me and then starts walking toward the dorm. I lean against his chest and close my eyes, feeling him exist around me and making me become a child again.

“You're right,” I mutter.

“Hmmm?”

“Your smile does reassure me.”

Suddenly he is embarrassed, and he closes himself off like Reid, but I was expecting it, so he does not seem to disappear like last time. Desmond would be proud of how much I have learned.

He sets me down when we are in Hanakawa and bends down to remove my sodden shoes. My toes are chilly and wrinkled from all the water that had pooled inside them.

“Asha, where are your socks?”

I don't answer because I am not sure what socks are and I can't find out because he has closed himself off. He seems to sense the problem because suddenly he is back and I know because he knows. Before I can tell him I don't own any, Diane floods us both with her presence. I shiver.

“Oh, Keven. I see you've found the savage.”

My spine straightens and one shoulder drops derisively. “And we've found the bitch.” Keven's face reddens and I realize that was his thought, his body. My knees buckle and he catches me in his arms again.

“Funny, that looked a lot like you,” Diane says to Keven. He shrugs and shoves past her with me in tow and I feel a wave of nausea as they fight each other in my mind.

“Elene, are you here?” he calls loudly. There is a pounding noise coming from the stairs, and she appears with Bastian not far behind. “Oh, no! Asha, what were you doing? What was I doing? Why didn't I notice?” She brings both hands to her mouth in dismay and runs off to get a towel before Keven can ask her aloud. Bastian studies the situation for a moment, shakes his head, and is off to my room for clean clothes.

Keven raises my hands over my head and begins to peel my shirt away from my skin.

“Oh, you are not stripping her in the middle of the living room!” Diane spits.

“If you don't like it, leave.” There is a pause, and I stumble mentally as his thoughts grow guarded again. “I...did expect she would be wearing underwear, though.” My naked torso protests against the air and I shiver again. He throws his jacket back over me and begins to unbutton my pants.

“Like I said. Savage.” Diane side-steps my shirt and heads for the stairs, almost running into Bastian. Another wave of nausea. Every time Diane is around I feel sick because I hate me and everyone else. Her mind is like a poison but I can't stay out of it even though she yells and yells. Distance helps, at least, and as her body leaves her small mind grows faint and I am left in the warmth of the ones I care about. Elene bounds from the lavatory with my towel and removes Keven's jacket carelessly. I close my eyes and let her towel me off as Keven leaves the room with my clothes and Bastian takes a seat on a cushion, gently wrapping his mind with mine.

They want to know what I was doing but I don't remember. All I remember is rain and how cold I am now. Elene wrings my braid out, leaving a thick pool of water on the tile as Keven wanders back in, eyes carefully averted.

“We're used to it,” Bastian says with a smile. “I've only seen her three times since she arrived, and she was clothed for exactly one of them.”

“I'm sorry,” I say. “Is...this bad? I forget!”

Elene stifles a giggle and pulls a fresh shirt over my head. “Where is her other outfit, Keven?” She hands me my other pants and uses the jacket as a screen so I can step into them.

“I threw it in the de-sat.”

“Oh, good. Asha, sit down with them, I am going to make you some tea and get you warmed up.” She gives Keven back his jacket and wraps a fresh towel around my head, twining it with my braid, and shoves me toward the cushions. I sit down, and Keven tosses his jacket back over my shoulders.

“Need to keep you warm. How long were you out there?”

I shake my head and don't reply because I am too busy remembering. Bastian speaks for me. “Her memories are pretty jumbled up until you found her. Think she was trying to track down an empath and overwhelmed herself, personally.”

“An empath? Forgive my ignorance, but can't you all find each other quite easily?” Keven asks, watching Elene arrive with several mugs balanced precariously in her hands. In her mind she drops them. In reality, they are safely delivered. I wrap my hands around mine and inhale the steam.

“Sure, us Twos can,” Bastian says lazily, offering Elene a seat beside him. “But she can feel everyone, lots farther than we can. Not as easy for her.” They all look at me then and I should probably contribute something but my head is so full of their minds that there is nothing for me to say that they don't already know. Keven puts a hand on my head and smiles at me again.

“It's confusing in there, isn't it?”

“You handle me well.”

“Like I said when we met. Training. I want to be a Teacher someday.”

I drink my tea and learn what he thinks he would be like. He's not far off from the truth, in my opinion, so I smile at him.

In my opinion! Elene's eyes meet mine and we both are happy. I am not used to having my own opinions.

“You pulled yourself together a lot faster than the last time we met, Asha,” Bastian observes.

“She's got the best Teacher at the University,” Keven says.

“Also, I know you all. I can tell what is me and what is not better than in a crowd of strangers.” I take another sip of tea and enjoy the sensation of it warming my throat.

“Well, I also think not being around Reid has a lot to do with it,” Bastian continues. He doesn't like Reid, no matter what Elene and I think or say. I know why but I don't understand it. I've been meaning to ask but I don't know the right words yet. Desmond tells me these things will get easier with time but I am geting bored of being patient.

“She knows Reid?” Keven asks, and his displeasure makes my pulse increase. I put my tea down before I drop it and pull his jacket around me more tightly to fight off the coldness in his words.

Elene nods and gives Bastian a warning look that I would have missed the significance of a week ago. “Yes, she does. They met the same day you did.”

“Hah. How did that go?”

“Actually, he's nice to her.”

“Elene, he let her faint into the buffet,” Bastian cuts in, but she puts a hand over his mouth.

“I like him,” I contribute, and reach for my mug again. Keven's thoughts are somewhat hidden but I can sense his jealousy. “Why does that bother you?”

He starts in his seat and looks up at me. “I—what?”

“Yes, why does that bother you?” comes a low voice from the entryway. Reid is standing there, shoes off. He must have been there for some time, which is probably why Bastian and Keven look so ill at ease. I smile at Reid and gesture at the free cushion to my left. He ambles over and sits down gracelessly. I take a sip of tea. Its flavor reassures me.

“Don't worry, Keven, this isn't a social call. Nanda asked me to come make sure she was alright.”

Bastian snorts. “Didn't think he was naive enough to trust someone like you.”

Instantly, emotions surge. Elene is annoyed with Bastian who is angry at Reid for breathing but Keven is secretly amused at the fighting. My hands shake and the mug splatters against the carpeting, sending tea seeping into the cloth. I crumple against myself in frustration. Hands reach in to reassure me. New hands. Long, thin fingers, a gentle grip, less occupied with manliness. Reid's hands. He quietly removes the towel from my hair and leans down to sop up the mess.

“Which of you two is responsible for that?” he asks Bastian and Keven, but neither of them answer and I am too dizzy to tell him it is both of them. Reid leaves the towel on the carpet and sits up to deal with me. His arm pulls me to him and his hand slides under Keven's jacket to get at my back, moving in long slow strokes up and down, giving me a focus.

“Ignore them, focus on this. Focus on me. Stay you,” he murmurs into my ear, lips so close they brush my skin. I shut my eyes and follow his directions. He must have listened when Desmond yelled at him about helping me in large crowds.

“Get your hands off her,” Keven says quietly to Reid.

“Keven, no, listen, he's—” Elene begins, but Bastian cuts her off.

“Elene, you can't just cover for him when he's obv—“ but here I groan and bury my head against Reid's shoulder, burrowing into the cloth and trying to get away but they're in my head— My nausea dissipates somewhat as Bastian calms down—Elene, lovely Elene, is telling him what Reid is doing. Bastian gives him the benefit of the doubt, and I think we become friends in that moment as he puts his personal issues aside to help me stay me.

“Get your hands off her,” Keven repeats softly, half-rising from his cushion.

“What are you going to do, hit me for trying to calm her down?” Reid asks, his voice sharp in my ear as he tightens his arms around me. “Isn't this what you were doing earlier, or were you actually trying to flirt with her?” There is something in his voice I do not like, but I can't see his face so I do not know what he is thinking.

“Reid,” Bastian cuts in gently. “It's counterproductive to calm her down and antagonize someone else at the same time.”

Keven looks at me and I see myself in his eyes, naked and soaking wet in his arms as I had been minutes before and suddenly I understand why people keep telling me I need to be dressed. People see me naked and they think about sex and I would have understood if privacy hadn't kept them from coming out and telling me the problem. Privacy keeps getting in the way of my learning. I shudder and Keven gives me a wide smile because he knows I know he wants me back in his arms. Reid whispers in my ear again and keeps me calm with his hand on my back, but after a minute his rhythm slows and I feel him looking at the door.

“Yes?” he asks, his voice vibrating against me.

“I'm looking for Asha,” replies a new man, and I turn to see who it is. Strange face, strange skin, strange person, old mind. I'm out of Reid's arms in a flash, Keven's jacket crumpled on the floor. We hit and go down in a tangle of arms, legs, hair, and light, and I hear laughter from him. By the time we land we have known each other since the day we were born. Seamus.

“And how long have they been friends?” Keven asks Bastian, who shrugs.

“They've never met!” Elene tells them both.

“Hello, Seamus,” Reid offers, and I am pleased to find we both like Reid. I had classes with him the last three years, and he always adds good points to our discussions. Wait, no. I haven't had classes yet. It is Seamus' turn to be confused.

“Would you two like to, uh, get up and join us?” Bastian asks.

We laugh and move for the cushions, but it is difficult to stay focused like we usually do in a crowd. He is clenching and unclenching his left fist and I am rubbing at my scar but we're focusing on the other's focus and it's just too confusing.

“Wow, I wasn't expecting it to be this hard!” he tells me, eyes smiling in his dark skin. Darker than mine. For the first time I don't feel like an outcast in my own body. Elene and Bastian laugh, but Reid and Keven are confused.

“They're having problems keeping their thoughts separated,” Elene says with a giggle, but the other two find it less than funny. I give up and crawl over against his feet and he wraps his arms around me obligingly. Instantly we can think more clearly.

“Well,” Keven says, rising from his spot on the floor. “I can tell this is a party I was born to be excluded from. Asha, when you have time, you should track me down so we can catch up.” He taps his wristband and heads for the door. Seamus is thinking furiously as he goes, but I don't understand what he means.

As Keven walks out the door I turn to Reid and ask “What is a womanizer?”

His answer is the happiest laugh we have ever heard him produce. Seamus fills me in as Reid winds down and I bat at his knees for not letting me know before I asked the question aloud. I flash back to Keven holding me naked in the living room and feel suddenly ashamed, but Bastian, Elene, and Seamus say it's different because I didn't know. It's always different because I didn't know. My ignorance is making me one big exception.

“So Seamus, I have to ask. Why did it take you so long to find Asha?” Reid looks at us both with interest.

We separate so he can find words. “Desmond told me about her a few weeks ago, and today...I felt her looking for me. I've never felt someone else like me. It's the most...” he trails off and we smile at Reid.

“Her mannerisms don't do much for you,” he observes. “That will go away when you two split up, right?”

“If we can,” I tell him. “I have a hard enough time keeping apart from Nanda and Elene.”

“And you don't mind that?”

“Why should we?” we reply, and Reid shudders in response.

“Don't you want your individuality?”

We're getting ready to answer when there is an animal noise from the stairs. Diane is standing on the bottom step, and when she sees us all looking at her, she starts sobbing. Elene is up instantly, arms around her, guiding her toward a chair. Bastian moves to the kitchen to get her a glass of water and Reid seems to fold in on himself, an impossible task for someone so tall and narrow. I move away from Seamus and sit between them so they feel less unwelcome.

“Diane, honey, what's wrong?” Elene asks quietly.

She points to the monitor embedded in the far wall. “Turn it on.”

Bastian hands her the water and moves to the power button. As one, we shift to listen.

“—Midbaran government has officially closed its borders to all empaths today in the first global segregative legislative act enacted within the Consortium. The planet's parliament voted almost unanimously to prohibit immigration of empathic humans, as well to as enact a plan that will have all current empaths deported from the planet within the next year. Sources have yet to report on what effect this will have on half-empathic families, or empathic children born to non-empathic parents. Where the planet is planning on sending its deportees is also unknown. Kiran has already issued a notice stating its borders are open to any and all refugees for as long as they require, and the University has also offered its resources to those in need. Contacts are in place at all ports on Kiran for those who need assistance finding new homes. We repeat, the Midbaran government—”

Bastian stops the voice with a slam of his fist. The screen goes dark, and we sit in stunned silence.

“My entire family was just evicted from the Capitol,” Diane whispers. “They weren't even allowed to take their things!”

Elene wraps her arms around her, and for once Diane to welcomes the comfort. “I...I don't have a home anymore! Where...where are they going to go?”

“Have them come here,” Bastian says quietly. Reid nods his assent. “They'll be treated much better here than on Newearth, trust me.”

“They sent me a message right before they were forced into a shuttle. I have no way of knowing where they went.”

“Contact your Teacher, Diane. The Fleet will be looking for families of Midbaran students, you know it. They can come here and stay on Kiran while you finish your training.”

She gives a heavy sob and downs her glass of water. I start shaking, but Reid and Seamus both put an arm around me. I stay calm for Diane. This is no time to lose control. This is no time to lose control. I stay calm for Diane.

“What am I going to do until they're found?” Her dark eyes are thick with the tears she is trying to fight back.

“They...said there would be a camp here, yes?” I ask in a voice that sounds surprisingly normal.

Diane nods at me.

“So go help there until you have your family. Other people will need just as much.”

Her mouth opens. Closes. She stands. “You're right. I am going to do that before I go insane. I'll go find my Teacher.”

Seamus gives me a hug and stands, too. “Let's all go. We can all help. Besides, we're all outcasts now, in a way. An entire planet closed off to us—that's a new one. I thought it would always be just jobs, you know?”

Everyone is nodding and standing so I stand too. I want to help. I want to figure out what is going on. But as I turn to the stairs to collect a dry pair of shoes I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder and turn to see Elene feeling sad.

“Asha, you know you can't go.”

“I want to!”

“There will be too many people there.”

“But Elene, I don't understand what is going on and I need to know why everyone is so upset and if I don't go I won't find out—“

“Oh, shut up, you bleeding savant!” Diane shrieks, whirling on me. Her anger hits me like a blow and I fall to the floor. Seamus catches her by the arms and half-drags her out the door. Elene and Bastian move to help me, but Reid is already there.

“No,” he says when Elene starts to speak. “Go with them. I told Nanda I'd stay with her, and I am not a philanthropist in any case. I'll talk to her.”

“That's what I am afraid of,” Bastian mutters, but Elene shakes her head and hauls him out by his arm, leaving Reid and I in a pile on the floor. I realize I am clutching my head and shaking.

“Hey.” He runs a hand over my hair.

“Desmond. I need to talk to Desmond.”

“Something makes me doubt that.”

“What jobs can we not do? What other rules are different for us? Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't the recruiter tell me?”

“Asha, I don't think they thought you were ready.”

“That's my decision!” I snap in a voice much too loud for two people.

He sighs and pulls my hands away from my face. “Look at me.” When I don't, he shakes my wrists. “Look at me!”

Our eyes meet, and all the anger drains out of me. He looks tired. Whatever this is, it is not news for my friends. This is something they have known all their lives.

“Did I leave a planet to escape discrimination just to be judged by several larger planets with more control?” I whisper. He nods.

“Tell me.”

He shakes his head. I free one of my hands and smack him as hard as I can across the face. “Tell me! I am tired of not knowing anything!”

“Asha, it's not my—“ he starts, but I cut him off.

“Reid, are you my friend or not?”

He looks away and does not answer.

“Fine. Then I'm finding Desmond.” I rise shakily and head for the door. The world is swimming but the rain will cool my face and make everything calm again I know it. All I have to do is get there.

“Asha, you can barely walk, get back here!” He reaches for me and I slap him again. Anger flares in his eyes, real anger, and we topple to the floor together. He pins me easily with his weight. I struggle against him, but he has me by the wrists and manages to keep me down with relatively little effort on his part. I can't move. I can't free myself. I've fought a jaguar and lived, and this boy-child has me completely immobilized. He's never had to hunt. Probably never killed. And I am at his mercy simply because he weighs more. This planet makes no sense.

His eyes find mine and he lets my hands go cautiously. “Hit me again and I will hit you back. This is your only warning. We are not talking and we are not going anywhere until you have calmed down.” His chest presses into mine painfully as he attempts to get his ragged breathing under control. I feel his anger mingle with mine and realize with shock that he is so upset I can read him. I raise my hand to strike at him again, but just as quickly as it came the urge leaves me and I begin to cry.

Instantly, his pin becomes a hug.