Ignore the highlighting. I am far too lazy to fix it right now. If you're curious as to how it happened, blame open source software.
The instant I am out of sight of Hanakawa I punch a code into my wristband lift it to my mouth.
“Get me in to see the Admiral. I am on my way now.” That bit of info is really unnecessary, since my wristb means the assistant can see my direction of travel, but it lends the request more force.
“I am sorry, Officer Doyle, but the Admiral is not seeing anyone today.” I do not recognize the voice of the girl on the other end of the transmission; she must be new.
“Miss, the Admiral will be seeing me. It's about the Type Three.”
“Officer Doyle, the Admiral is really quite busy...”
“I don't care if she is single-hedly stopping a war. She'll see me.”
The transmission cuts off I am worried I've had the bad luck to find the one stubborn office assistant currently employed on the planet, but when I arrive at the administrative building I am shown directly into the Admiral's chambers. She is seated behind her enormous mahagony desk, eating miso soup idly scanning the news feed. I st at attention when I enter, but she doesn't bother looking up. I am supposed to take this to mean that she is somewhat less than pleased with me.
“Officer Doyle, what possessed you to terrorize my br new office assistant bully your way on in here like you have some sort of season pass?” Her voice is bl, with a thick Midbaran drawl.
“Admiral, when I was assigned to teach Asha Indrani, you clearly stated I was to contact you should any problems arise.”
She waves a h dismissively takes a sip of soup before continuing. “I meant send me a notice, Doyle, not come barging into my personal space ruin my lunch.”
“Admiral, this is much too important for a notice.”
“Obviously.” She gives me a dry smile before draining the rest of her soup. “Fine, Doyle, speak your mind.”
“Admiral, I request you find someone else to teach Asha.”
“Denied, Officer.”
“Admiral, she already knows I am keeping information from her, I am not powerful enough to keep her out if she decides to go after it.”
She gives me a long stare, sts, places both hs against the dark wood of the desk. They blend in with the tone of the wood, for a brief moment the age lines spidering along her fingers become an extension of the wood grain. Everything in her office matches her; deep reds, dark browns. Fall colors. Stark, aged colors. I always forget how much she terrifies me.
“Off the record,” she barks. A small, blue light on the desk's monitor panel goes out, the atmosphere in the room becomes far less chilly.
“Desmond, what do you think you're doing?” She twines her long grey hair into a twist secures it deftly with a long pin.
“Aki, I just can't do this. I can't be her Teacher.”
“Need I remind you the sole reason you are still employed with this University is because the Fleet decided otherwise?”
“They were wrong. Get someone else.”
“Desmond, there is no one else! You're the best we have! It's why we gave you Seamus, it's why, despite your past record concerning Old Earth, we gave you Asha.”
I throw my hs up in exasperation. “She keeps probing! Asking what I thought of it. Asking why I didn't stay. What am I supposed to tell her?”
“Certainly not the truth! She's supposed to think you're benevolent caring, Desmond, not that you spent half of the three years you were planetside starting riots.”
“Aki that's not—“
“Desmond, spare me the word mincing. You broke their rules. That is all.”
“Yes, Admiral.” I drop my head lock my eyes on the thick carpeting surrounding her desk.
“On the record,” she murmurs, the light sparks back on. “Officer Doyle, either you do this job, or you are discharged from the University the Fleet, as you were well aware before this meeting. Fail to do this job properly, not only will you be discharged, but you will be subjected to a formal inquiry concerning your performance. Is this perfectly clear?”
I clench my fists behind my back where the camera can't see before replying. “Yes, Admiral.”
Aki slams her finger against a button on the screen, the blue light fades again.
“Desmond, honestly, what did you think this would accomplish?”
“I want to be able to look back on that recording say 'I-told-you-so.'”
“Your humor is not appreciated, Officer.” Her black eyes meet mine for the first time, I am reminded why she is in charge of the University.
“Apologies, Admiral.” She doesn't need to be an empath to know I wasn't not joking.
“Get out of here. Next time you want to waste my time by whining...don't. Dismissed.”
I am hustled out just as quickly as I was ushered in, as I step back into the rain I can't help but wonder—what did I think that would accomplish? I suppose I was hoping they would see reason reassign her. After all, I am still working with Seamus, in an ideal world that alone would be grounds for them not to fire me. In fact, it might be, but I am not about to risk finding out for sure when I am eight years from securing a pension. if I were reassigned, the other Teachers would wonder why. They would start digging, even more people would find out about this whole mess of a situation than already have.
Sometimes I simply act like an idiot for no good reason. This is clearly one of those times. When I was younger I was told it would happen less with time, but that seems to have been a lie. People don't actually get wiser with age, it seems—they just have less energy. I drag both hs through my hair take deep, focusing breaths. What about our meeting had left me so unhinged today? Asha had been edgier than usual, it must have gotten to me. She's getting bored. After three weeks of being kept away from the busier parts of campus, I can't really blame her, but as that fiasco with Reid shows, she isn't ready yet. Caroline I haven't spoken since I yelled at her for sending him off to spy on my empath. “How the fuck was I supposed to know he'd let her faint into the buffet?” she had retorted before storming off. I don't think either of us are very proud of that encounter.
Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's time, but suddenly the entire ordeal strikes me as quite funny. I start laughing so hard I have to grope my way to a nearby bench collapse, giving my body the support it needed to continue shaking. By the time I am done my sides ache my pants are soaked through from the rain that had pooled on the bench seat. I tilt my head back let more droplets fall onto my face with gentle, cold noises. I feel guilty for trying to shift Asha off onto someone else. She really is a great girl. Smart, determined, unexpectedly funny. More more, she is making me laugh intentionally. her complete lack of understing of any social norms is as refreshing as Elene's, though her demeanor is far less exuberant. It's the constant questioning that gets to me. She's trying to get to know me as a person, I can't allow that for countless reasons. I let my guard down for a moment, let her in, the repercussions for the Fleet will be staggering.
I st up dry myself off as best I can before making my way back to my quarters. No wonder I am acting irrationally, given the pressure the Fleet has put on me over this girl. I need to make sure not to take this out on Asha, which will be no small task considering half the time she knows what mood I am in before I do. as she becomes familiar with me, this is only going to increase. I've been told Elene keeps tabs on me at all times, unthinkingly, by some of the empathic instructors. It is only a matter of time before Asha forms a more solid connection, as well. I have thought about asking Caroline how she keeps her students from liking her, but I have yet to find a way to phrase it that won't sound terribly offensive.
“Desmond, what happened to you?” calls a woman's voice, part amused, part worried. I start guiltily look up from the path to see Caroline sting outside my building's main door.
“Wet bench. What are you doing?”
She rocks back on her heels doesn't quite meet my eyes. “I was waiting for you.”
I tap my wristb. “You could have messaged me.”
“I was afraid you were still angry.”
“No. Actually, I was recently shown the humor of the situation.” I give her a grin hold the door open. “Care to come in for some tea? I need to vent.”
She pats her hair down narrows her eyes at me. “You've still got the stronger stuff, right?”
“Fine. I'll make you some coffee.”
Caroline brushes past me into the hallway. She's wearing perfume, which is unusual. I suddenly feel rather guilty—she must have been more worried about me being angry than she let on. I once asked her why she wore glasses, since getting vision corrected takes all of thirty minutes, she told me she preferred them because she could use them as a barrier. Some Teachers do prefer a focus when they are blanking the slate. I've personally never needed one, but the glasses seem to work for her. The rest of her accessories wax wane as needed to bolster their effect. Perfume is her final defense. The smell always makes me wish I had a final defense.
We get settled into my rather sterile dining room, once I have dry clothes mugs in front of us both, I start talking.
“I'm having more trouble than I expected with Asha this week.”
Caroline suppresses a giggle. “Poor Desmond. When things don't go according to plan, your world comes crashing down.”
“Yes, it does! You know what I caught her Na doing yesterday when I came to collect her? They'd accessed the personnel files were reading up on every empathic student on campus. I got angry hled it poorly, I'm afraid. I regret yelling at them now—there's no point in punishing someone who can't underst the rules they've broken. But if someone else catches her breaking them, it will not go well for either her or me!”
Caroline's eyes grow wide, she almost spits out her coffee in her rush to respond. “How...how did they get into those?”
I groan run my hs through my hair again. I am sure by now I look quite mad. “I quote: 'The girl who signed us in on our first day thought the word so loudly I couldn't forget it.'”
“She...stole the password to our private files?”
“Yes! I can't get her to underst why it was wrong of her to do it! she keeps asking these questions I can't answer, it's only making us both more confused!”
“Like what?” Caroline pours herself another mug of coffee.
“When I'd gotten Asha calmed down away from Na—here, I'll show you.”
I pull up the recording of our conversation on my wristb.
“Did I do something wrong?” the b asks in her earnest, soft voice.
“Not this time. If you do it again, then it would be wrong, because you'd know better.”
“I am not sure why this is bad. I know them all already, anyway. I just wanted to see what planets they were from.”
“It's a rule, Asha. A matter of privacy. Passwords are private.”
There is a long pause before the recording ends with her muttering “I do not underst privacy.”
I close down the file with another groan. “ nothing I have said has made her underst. You try teaching a Type Three about privacy sometime. They've never had any! There is absolutely no frame of reference!”
She rolls her eyes at me over the edge of her mug. “I doubt I will ever get the chance to teach a Type Three, Desmond. You have more than your fair share of them already.”
“Not for lack of trying, trust me. Aki threatened me with dishonorable discharge today if I asked her to reassign Asha again.”
Caroline lowers her mug to the table with a damp slam leans toward me. “Reassign Asha? Desmond, you can't be serious!”
“Caroline, I know who her father is, she doesn't know how to respect personal boundaries. Think about it! You have no idea what it's like to be in that situation.”
“You'd be surprised. Guess who invited herself to sit in on Reid's lesson yesterday?”
It is my turn to set my mug down stare. “What!”
“Yep. When I got annoyed told her she had to leave, she gave me the most spectacular pout I have ever seen, I actually felt guilty!”
“Yes, she does that,” I mutter, wiping at a condensation ring developing on the table. “I assume you let her stay?”
“Reid told me it was alright. If he hadn't said anything, I would have made her leave.”
There is an important pause as we both take the time to really think about that sentence. I drain the rest of my tea before replying. “I thought Reid did his best to avoid social interaction? I heard his roommate moved out on him last week.”
Caroline shakes her head. “Let's not go into that story. Reid's antisocial, yes, which is why when I found he was so interested in Asha I told him to go see her.” She gives me an apologetic smile. “He's fascinated by her, Desmond. I asked him to give me a report on their encounter, he was so analytical!”
“What do you mean?” I have never seen Caroline this excited over one of her students.
“He wants to find out who she really is, he says. He says the way she thinks is fun.”
“Did having her around distract him during the lesson?”
She shakes her head emphatically, her bangs begin to tangle wildly. “No! He put in the best work I've seen since we were assigned together, was comparatively pleasant! Asha didn't say a word—she just sat in the corner watched...well, something. It looked like she was trying to melt the desk three rows over, actually.”
I grin nod. “She does that.”
Her smile fades, she looks at me sternly. “You know what this means, don't you?”
“It means something?”
“Desmond, I think they should spend time together more often!”
“Caroline, I am not about to start orchestrating the social life of my student.”
She snorts in annoyance shoves her drained mug toward the center of the table. “That is not what I mean at all. He's the first...non-empath—” she says the phrase with a touch of irony—“she has shown interest in, correct?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“ she's the first person he's ever been willing to spend time around. Having them interact can only be beneficial to them both!”
I shake my head. “Caroline, I don't feel comfortable with this. It's not our job to pick our students' friends.”
She sighs at me, clearly annoyed. There's color in her cheeks, she is rapping her fingernails against my dining room table. I'd never tell her this, but she looks amazing when she's angry. “Fine. But if she keeps coming to his lessons, can I let her stay? I promise she's only an observer. I'd never try to Teach her.”
“Regardless, she will be learning from you,” I point out.
“Desmond, she's bored.”
“I am more aware of that than you realize,” I snap, then instantly regret it. Her eyes narrow she leans back in the chair, crossing her arms.
“Look,” I continue. “You can let her stay if you want, but she is incredibly powerful. She gets in your head without you feeling it, in a few sessions she'll probably know several things about you she shouldn't.” I watch her consider this for a few moments before going on again. “ Reid has to let his guard down to train with you, which means he is more vulnerable than he'd prefer around her. Even if he did allow her to stay the last time, there is no way he will take that with grace for long.”
She sighs buries her fingers in her bangs. “You're right, Desmond. You're always right.”
“You're not going to tell her no, are you.”
“Nope. But I am having a long talk with Reid. It will be his decision.”
Personally, I have quite a few misgivings with this situation, but if Caroline isn't Teaching her, there is nothing I can do to stop it. Like I said, I have no control over the personal lives of my students. I get up silently take our mugs to the kitchenette. After a moment, Caroline rises follows me, leaning against the doorframe watching me clean up.
“I have an idea, about the privacy thing.”
“Oh?” I shuffle through some stray tea bags file them away on their shelf.
“What is the one thing she would want to hide if she could?”
I blink at her. “That's easy. Her eyes.”
Caroline shakes her head. “Such a shame—they really are beautiful, aren't they?”
“I suppose.”
She snorts again, clearly unimpressed with my response. “Anyway. Frame your discussion around that. See if it helps.”
I turn face her. “Thank you. I will be sure tell you how it goes.”
She grins shakes her head. “Don't bother—I'm doing this to help me, not her.”
“I am not sure what you mean.”
“If she learns to respect privacy, I have less to worry about when she visits.” She checks her wristb sighs. “I need to go, Desmond. I have a dinner date with one of my graduates in on leave. She wants to catch up.” Her heels clack gently on the blue kitchen tile as she takes a few steps closer.
“I am sorry I snapped at you, by the way.”
I shake my head. “I should be apologizing, not you. I—” but she cuts me off with a swift hug is out the door before I have time to form an adequate response. Either way, I suppose my apology was accepted. I check my own wristb find I have the entire evening free. I might as well try out Caroline's new angle see if I can make any progress with Asha. I connect to Na's wristb ask if they are both free to see me for a moment.
“No, sir, we are not busy,” is his gentle reply.
“I'll drop by your dorm in a few minutes, then. Thank you, Na.”
He closes the transmission without saying goodbye, but at least he has a better grasp of how they work than Asha. She still leaves hers off half the time, never answers when someone calls her on it.
I head out the door after brushing my hair, am soon back at Hanakawa. I remove my shoes step into the entryway to find Na Elene trying to coax Asha around the corner from the kitchen.
“Asha-na, he is here,” Na murmurs at her in their language, I hear a quiet grunt in reply. Both of them spend too much time coddling her, it is becoming less effective as she becomes more assertive.
“Asha, come talk with me Na,” I say clearly. Na takes the hint moves to sit on one of the low cushions they've had brought in to the dorm's common room. The chairs bother them. I move to sit on one across from him, Elene attempts to sit next to me, but I shake my head quietly. She gives me a sheepish smile moves upstairs.
“Asha,” I say again, this time her head peeks around the corner. One h one vivid eye are clearly visible against the white of the doorframe.
“Are you here to shout at me again?” she asks in Kiranese.
“No. In fact, I am here to say I am sorry for yelling.”
“Good,” she replies, moves to sit next to Na. I am pleased by how easy it was to get her over here. Despite everything, she does seem to trust me.
“Na, Asha.” I make eye contact with them both before continuing. “I really am sorry for yelling today. I was angry because I was scared.”
“Why were you scared, Desmond?” The way she says my name is hauntingly familiar, but I force myself to ignore the memories it recalls. “We have been trying to underst all day how we scared you.” Na nods leans forward, clearly concerned.
“If someone else had seen you doing that, you both could be in a lot of trouble,” I reply. “That is why I got scared, yelled.”
Asha slams her hs down on either side of the cushion in a sudden fit of anger. “But I don't underst why what we did was wrong!” She takes several heavy breaths stares up at me pleadingly. “Why can't you make me underst?” Na slides his h quietly over hers she takes it, trying to stay focused.
“I am here now to try to help you underst, Asha. Are you ready to listen?” I start each of our lessons with this question. If she says no, I allow her more time to find a focus. But n vcow she nods, I am able to start right in.
“Do you know what a contact lens is?”
She stares at me for a moment, learning about it from my mind, then shakes her head. Sometimes she makes me feel like a. encyclopedia.
“It is a soft piece of plastic that can be used to change eye color. Actors use them quite often when they play certain characters.”
“I underst.”
“If you could have had brown contact lenses on Old Earth, would it have made things easier for you?” I ask quietly. Her shoulder jerks suddenly she looks right at me, wide-eyed, mouthing the question back at me.
“I...” She is confused, but Na sees where this is going, as I hoped he would.
“Think about my village, when we found you? If you could have opened your eyes in the sick room had brown eyes instead of blue, would that have changed how everyone treated you?”
Asha's eyes become glassy. She is trying not to cry. “Yes, I think so.”
“Privacy is like you wearing brown contact lenses.”
There is a long pause as she considers this. “But my eyes are not actually brown.”
I shake my head, waiting to see where she is going with this.
“So privacy is...lying?”
It is my turn to pause consider. “No, Asha, privacy is keeping yourself from being hurt by other people.”
“The things in your head that you won't let me see...if I knew them, it would hurt you?” She is looking me full in the eyes now, completely herself. I am so damned proud of her in this moment I can hardly bear it.
“Yes, it would. Privacy allows us to choose who learns what about us. It would be like you wearing the contact lenses, only showing some people your true eye color when you knew they could be trusted would not hurt you.”
“I...I think I underst. I don't—I don't see why so much should be private, like you Reid seem to like, but I...I see why I shouldn't take it personally.”
“Good,” I say, don't bother hiding my relief. For the first time, I feel like this might end well for all involved after all.
She stares at me again, then pulls herself forward so we are knee-to-knee, putting her hs on mine looking up into my eyes. “I won't try to get everywhere in your head anymore, Desmond. I don't want you to be hurt.”
“Thank you, Asha. That is very nice of you.” I look at Na over Asha's head ask him if I might speak to Asha alone. He nods pleasantly moves upstairs without a fight. Over the past few weeks I have managed to gain his trust, spending time with Asha has become much easier.
“I have one other question for you, Asha.”
She moves to the cushion next to me begins to scratch circles into the carpeting we are sitting on. “Yes?”
“Do you like sitting in on Reid Caroline's lessons?'
“I do,” she says slowly.
“May I ask why?”
“I underst why Caroline feels so lonely all the time.”
I suddenly feel like I shouldn't have asked that question, but Asha continues before I can stop her. “She I feel lonely for the same reasons, so I feel better when I am around her. I want her to feel better, too.”
“Asha, she might not want you to know that.”
“She doesn't, which is why I don't talk to her about it. But she is scared of Reid, too, bec—“
I cut her off swiftly. “Please don't tell me why, Asha.”
“Oh, sorry,” she says sadly. “Privacy, right?”
“Yes, privacy.”
“Reid is lonely, too,” she continues. “I think. He's all closed off all the time, but when he opens up to train I feel so sad...” she looks up at me again, her eyes dim. “He's hurt, too.”
“Do you want to fix them both? Is that why you go?”
She shakes her head from side to side several times. “No, Desmond. I can't fix them.” Her voice makes it clear she thinks that was a stupid question.
“So why do you go?”
“Because it's nice to know I am not the only person who feels those feelings.”
There is nothing I can say to that, so I let the silence stretch out. After a few minutes, Asha tires of drawing circles wipes them away with one smooth sweep of her h.
“...”
I look down at her wait for her to reply.
“When I am around Reid I know me. He...he doesn't let anything out, so I know whatever I am thinking is mine. It's nice,” she adds softly.
“I can see why you want to be near them, Asha,” I start carefully, “But will you do me a favor, just in case?”
“Of course,” she says earnestly.
“If Reid or Caroline ask you not to go, please don't.”
The thinks on this for a few moments, when she speaks again her voice is sad. “Privacy?”
“Yes, privacy.”
“I won't, since you asked me,” she starts. “But Desmond, why do you all act like keeping each other out is a good thing?”
“Habit, I guess, Asha.” Her questions will probably never stop surprising me.
She sighs gives me a disappointed look. “No wonder everyone here is so broken.”
“What?”
But she stops talking there, I am forced to leave without an answer.
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