I jolt awake for the third time and decide to give up entirely on sleeping. Each time I begin to dream, I see her naked in the living room of Hanakawa, dripping wet and shivering. She's filled out since we first met, our planet's food putting a softening layer over the tense muscle she arrived with. She is curvier, her shirts even more alluring now that it is readily apparent they are hiding something beautiful. It is good to see a life of malnutrition can be so easily remedied, though I wish I had not been given quite so clear a view of her soaked body while she was being attended to by her friends. I hate Nanda for messaging me and asking me to go find her yesterday. Keven had gotten there first, anyway, and if I hadn't shown up at all I wouldn't have had to see her naked. Wouldn't have had to pin her to the floor to keep her from hitting me. Wouldn't be awake so damned early in the morning. I check my wristband and collapse back into my pillows, furious and uncomfortably aroused.
When I saw her in the entryway at the time, I was transfixed because she was so unaware, so confident—no, not confident. She simply did not care that Bastian and Keven were quietly slavering over her lithe little body, though there was no possible way she could have been oblivious to their thoughts. At the time I found their discomort amusing. Now, I am somewhat more sympathetic, which is infuriating. Every time I shut my eyes I replay that scene, only I am the one toweling her off, not Elene. If I use a towel at all. More often than not, I am using my tongue, sliding it over her damp skin, making her groan, not caring who else is watching. More often than not, I jolt awake as my back hits the clammy tile of their living room, one of her legs on either side of my hips, mouth open, eyes hazed, hair loose, consuming us both.
The room is hot. The bed is hot. I am hot. I stumble for the bathroom and splash cold water on my face, newly glad that my roommate finally gave up and moved out. I am far too aware of my body to be comfortable around others, especially after these dreams. My wristband says the cafeteria is just now opening. Desmond stops in every morning around now to get tea and crumpets or whatever the fuck the Kiranese eat for breakfast and ducks out before the younger clientele awaken. Nanda asked me last night when he came back and found Asha asleep in my lap to tell Desmond what had happened. He felt it would be polite to warn him she would be upset. I felt Desmond deserved it, since he'd clearly handled this poorly—the trouble in Midbar was by no means new, and anyone reading the newsfeeds suspected something like this would be coming quite soon. Asha's reaction was not that of someone who had failed to understand the scope of a problem, but the reaction of someone who was completely unaware the problem even existed. But I had agreed to be Nanda's go-boy all the same and handed Asha over, still asleep, into his surprisingly strong arms. That girl can sleep anywhere.
Now, however, I am unsure I made the right decision. My instincts tell me to just take a hand to my dick in the shower and go back to bed. Or wait, and spend the afternoon tracking down a first-year to relieve myself with tonight. Asha is not worth the effort it takes to be nice, to be good company. To pretend I give a fuck when all I want to to is rip her shirt off and sink my teeth into her skin to get revenge for the mark she's left on me. I don't like the way the hand-holding, the back-rubbing, and the hugging make me feel. Asha requires weakness.
Unfortunately, no one else has struck me as interesting in quite some time. This is why I dig through the pile of clothing on my floor to find something that passes for clean and stumble out the door into yet more rain when I don't have classes for another three hours. For now, watching her is still worth gaining Nanda's trust. When it gets to be more of a hassle, I'll simply stop talking to them. I've done this plenty of times with others who have become too great of an inconvenience. It will be a good life lesson for them both.
The cafeteria is soggy from the rain, and I am once again left wondering whose idiot idea it was to make all the buildings so open to the air. At least the coffee is fresh this time of morning. I grab a mug and head over to the corner table Desmond has claimed for himself. He's sitting there, checking the news feeds on his wristband and eating dry toast. No wonder the man still looks like he is made of rock.
“Excuse me, sir? May I sit with you?” He looks up at me with a start, and I am caught by a piercing blue stare made more noticeable by the streaks of grey beginning to creep into the brown of his hair. I've never actually seen Desmond up close. His skin has an olive, almost Midbaran cast, and he is clean-shaven. It makes sense he spent so many of his years in the Fleet working with the Natives, since he'd blend in far better than most of the rest of us. My skin is the same tone, but far paler, especially against the blackness of my hair. We study each other for a moment before he answers.
“Reid, is it?” He gestures at the chair across from him. I sit down wordlessly and we both sip our drinks to cover our awkwardness.
“What can I help you with?” he asks, taking another bite of toast.
“I was up early, saw you, and thought I'd come talk to you. I assume you know what happened last night, since you're reading the feeds.”
He sighs and runs his hands through the grey streaks in his hair. “Yes. I was up all night setting up space and services for all the refugees we are expecting. Anything specific on your mind?”
He's direct, I'll give him that. I decide to drop the pretense. “I thought you should know Asha found out last night, as well.”
He blinks at me. “Should I be surprised by this?”
“She's angry at you.” I try to keep my voice level so he doesn't learn that I am, as well.
He sets the toast down on his plate and gives me a candid stare. “And how do you know this?”
“I was the one who had to calm her down.”
Desmond leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers. “Reid, specifics please.”
“Nanda asked me to keep an eye on her while he was in class since she seems to have decided she likes me. Diane got the news about her family while I was over there, and it hit Asha particularly hard. She feels as though you left her in the dark,” I add, slightly irritated by his serene expression.
“I did leave her in the dark,” he admits with no hint of guilt.
“Well, Desmond, that was a mistake, because now she doesn't trust you.”
The muscles in his jaw clench, and his hands drop to the table. “Don't take that tone with me, Reid. Do you think you know what's best for her?”
I lean forward and quit trying to be polite. It is clear he can read body language at least as well as I can, so he knows what I really feel. “I think I have a much clearer idea than you do. This conversation is only strengthening that opinion.”
He takes a sip of tea. “I feel no need to explain my reasoning to you.”
“Well, I am asking anyway.”
“She wasn't ready to handle it.”
“As she said to me last night, that's her decision, not yours.”
He shakes his head. “I am her Teacher.”
“Right. Her Teacher, not her father.” He starts at this, clearly offended, but I continue. “Under Consortium law, she's been able to make her own decisions for two years.” I drain my coffee and refrain from slamming the mug onto the table.
“Reid,” Desmond says, voice reasonable, eyes annoyed, “does she seem eighteen to you?”
My mind flashes to the image of her naked body contrasted against the blue tiles of the entryway. I swallow, and instantly regret it, because Desmond reads my reaction. “Mentally. Does she seem eighteen to you?”
I sigh. Our conversation in the Arboretum had not made her seem mature, but some of that has to be her limited grasp of language. “It's still her decision.”
“I beg to differ. She can't make decisions yet.” He draws his lips into a thin line, clearly considering this conversation over. Now that I know he is completely remorseless, I am less inclined to drop it. After a short pause I speak again, keeping my voice deceptively level.
“With all due respect, sir, how do you know that if you won't let her try?”
He slams his fist against the table and sends a spoon clattering onto the floor. “Drop the pretense, Reid.”
“Fine. With any due respect, how the fuck do you know that?”
“If she can't even decide where she wants our daily meetings to be held, how is she supposed to make an informed decision about her education?”
“That's not the same thing at all. She decided to come here on her own, didn't she?”
To his credit, he actually pauses and considers what I have said. Unfortunately, it doesn't change his mind.
“Reid. I've been talking about you with Caroline. I know Asha has been sitting in on your lessons. I know Nanda is placing his trust in you. But that does not give you the right to come and challenge me and my practices.”
“Actually, I only came here to warn you that Asha doesn't want to speak to you. The rest of this is just a bonus.”
His breathing is becoming shallower. Hearing him try to hide it makes me want to smile. “I should have been the first one she wanted to speak to. I suspect you had something to do with this change.”
I nod. “Yes, I suppose I did.” After all, she'd wanted to go back out into the rain half-hysterical to find him. I'd calmed her down, and then she had changed her mind.
He sighs and bends down to retrive the spoon. His muscles are tense—he is clearly angry, but we are attracting interested stares, so he is doing his best to seem calm. I lean back and smile goadingly.
“That's all you need to say. Since you openly admit to meddling with my work with Asha, I have every right to prevent you from doing it in the future.” Here he leans forward and makes eye contact to drive the point home. “If this happens again I shall ban you from seeing her.”
“Desmond, you can't do that.”
“Yes I can. You're on thin ice with the Fleet, Reid. One word from me is all they'd need to send you packing for good. You'll be doing what I say.”
My fists clench under the table and I take a deep breath to keep from hitting him, which would get me sent packing. “I see, sir.”
He gives me a humorless smile. “Regardless, thank you for warning me you've set me back three weeks' worth of trust training. Thanks to you, she probably won't be ready for classes next quarter.”
“Don't blame this on me, you despot,” I say, more loudly than I intend. “None of this would have been an issue at all if you'd bothered to paint our societies as they really are rather than some sort of idyllic escape from the fucking torment of her childhood. But you don't actually care, do you? She's a powerful empath, and you and your people just wanted her here at any cost!” It is my turn to slam my fist on the table, sending toast crumbs bouncing into his lap. He brushes them away before speaking in a far quieter voice.
“They're your people now too, Reid. I suggest you get used to that. And don't you dare presume to know my motives.”
I open my mouth before I know what I am going to say, but am saved from stupidity by the arrival of Caroline. This may be the one time I have been truly happy to see her.
“Reid? Desmond? I...was not aware you two spoke!” Her eyes look slightly panicked. She probably thinks I just ratted her out.
“Don't worry—we don't,” I say, and leave the table without providing more explanation. What a fucking mess. I should have trusted my instincts and gone back to bed, but instead I decided to alienate myself from the most talented and influential Teacher at the University. Excellent work, Reid.
I was not expecting him to respond that way, even before I lost it and started actively antagonizing him—everyone says he is calm, level-headed. By all accounts, his students love him and trust him implicitly. No, this must not be normal behavior for him. I consider asking Seamus if he can think of any circumstances that might make Asha's case different for Desmond, but I can't see him knowing Asha that well after spending ten minutes of time with her, Type Three or no. I decide to talk to Elene, instead, and set off toward Hanakawa. Hopefully Diane will still be asleep. The last thing my day needs is an encounter with her, especially considering how angry Caroline is likely to be that I just verbally attacked her...whatever Desmond is to her.
The walk from the cafeteria to her dorm is a long one, but more tolerable than the one from my dorm to the cafeteria. The grounds crewmen have finally decided fall is here and are busily erecting covered walkways over the paths to shelter the students from the rain as they traverse campus. The brightly colored, waterproof cloth they use is supposed to look festive and bring some color back into the world, but it really just makes us seem tasteless and asinine. Not the best look for when we are so close to being invaded by refugees. At least not all of them are blue.
I step into the entryway and find Elene downstairs in the kitchen wearing the shortest nightshorts I have ever seen. Her freckled legs are toned from years of swimming and balancing on floating buildings, with a lingering tan left over from wherever she spent the summer. She turns when she hears me coming and pushes a chunk of her long, loose hair out of her face.
“You're here a little early, Reid,” she says with a smile, offering me a mug of tea. I decline, and she turns to the counter to add cream and sugar to it in the Oceanan style. I try to remember how she knows I like neither. I'll probably figure it out the day I understand why she likes me.
“I didn't expect you would be awake.”
She yawns and fills another mug with tea. “Asha didn't sleep well last night, so neither did I.” Cream and sugar added, she grabs them both and turns to me. “She wants to see you.”
I point at the mugs. “Only two?”
“What?”
“Where is Nanda?”
“Oh. We're not sure.” Her voice lowers and she takes a step closer to me. “They got into a fight last night. He couldn't see why being banned from Midbar concerned them. She tried to explain it, and it turned into a fight about leaving Old Earth in the first place.”
I try to imagine Asha and Nanda fighting, and as much as the idea pleases me, find I am incapable of doing so. “What do you mean?”
Elene sighs and sets the mugs back down. “Reid, I wish you were a more powerful empath. Telling it like this takes too long.”
“I am sorry to make you rely on words, Elene,” I say dryly.
She shrugs and continues. “Nanda was happy on Old Earth. He's only out here because of Asha.”
“So he should go home,” I reply.
“It's not that easy. He's been off-planet. It's changed him. He's not sure he would be happy now, or that he would be welcomed back. Whether he likes it or not, he's an outsider to his homeland. And to here.”
“Then he should suck it up and accept that things happening out here are important.”
Elene giggles at me. “That was Asha's point, in a way. And we have not seen him since.”
“You don't seem worried.”
“Asha's not worried, so why should I be? Come on, she's getting bored.”
Mugs back in hand, she heads up the stairs. I follow, enjoying the view I am getting of her ass, secretly dreading tonight's dreams, which will likely involve them both. I wonder idly if Caroline is really as against sleeping with me as she pretends she is. If I don't find an outlet soon, my mind is going to start recruiting every female it knows. Elene gestures at a door on the left-hand side of the hall with a mug. I open it for her, and she and beckons me into Asha's room.
“Well, you've certainly moved in,” I say, gazing around. She's on the bed, even less dressed than Elene is, and I mentally kick myself again for not just going back to bed this morning. She's in a sleeveless shirt that must have been Elene's, because it plunges farther and exposes more skin than a Naval supplier would allow. Underneath it stretches several inches of bare skin, then a pair of panties. The more suspicious part of me is certain they are doing this to me intentionally, though the likely explanation is that they have simply forgotten what they are wearing.
“Some of us live here year-round,” she replies sleepily, stretching out across the bed. My eyes rest on a dark purple bruise just under her left shoulder and I feel concern despite myself.
“What did that?” I ask, pointing. She lifts her head up and looks at me, confused.
“Did what?”
“Asha, there is an enormous bruise on your shoulder.”
She raises her hand to her shoulder and winces as her fingers make contact. She looks down at it, then up at me.
“You did that, Reid,” she says mildly. I feel suddenly guilty—I had no idea I'd slammed her to the floor that hard. Looking at it again, I can see that it is quite clearly a palm-print. My hands could easily envelop her shoulders.
Elene hands her one of the teas and they both move over to make room for me. I sit down next to them and lie back against the covers, which smell like her hair.
“What brings you by?” Asha asks, taking a sip and looking down at me. I smile. Seamus says that all the time.
“I just got back from talking to Desmond.”
“Oh.” She stares down into her mug.
“He got angry with me,” I continue.
Elene giggles. “Reid, that's not surprising. You're you.”
I nod. “Yes. I was expecting he'd get angry. I wasn't expecting he'd get that angry with no provocation. He threatened to ban me from seeing you, Asha.”
There is a pause as she considers this. “But I like seeing you.”
Elene frowns. “That doesn't seem like him. May I see how it happened?”
“No.” I don't want her in my head when they are both in their underwear. I came here wanting to figure out why Desmond got so edgy, but that knowledge is not worth exposing myself to two incredibly powerful empaths.
Asha sighs and falls back next to me, annoyed at my refusal, but Elene smiles. “I understand. You've been making me think, Reid, and...if I thought I could I'd stop practicing, too, especially after last night.” The words finish in a rush.
“Don't you think you'd be lonely?” Asha asks her. Before I can tell Asha that yes, she certanly would be, Elene answers.
“Yes, I think I would.” She looks over at me. “Reid, do your powers—have they gone away at all since you...?”
I can see where she is going with this. She is wondering if it would be possible to stop being empathic. The thought of Elene, who is more comfortable with her abilities than anyone I have ever seen, wanting this is staggering. I shake my head and feel genuinely bad for her. “Every time I am forced to use them, they are the same as ever.”
It is Elene's turn to sigh. “Then I really am stuck like this, aren't I.” It was not a question, so I don't bother answering.
“Elene, what is it like growing up here?”
She seems to know what Asha really meant by that question, because her answer's topic is different than I was expecting. “Oh, you know. Not being allowed to go to school with non-empaths. We might cheat on the tests! Not being allowed in museums, research labs. We might steal their information! Courts were forbidden too. Contests. This is the first place I have ever been treated like a human.” Elene's voice is suddenly bitter, a tone I have never heard from her before, though I understand its source.
“Reid?” Her blue eyes turn to mine and induce me to share.
“It's the same on Newearth. Worse, in some ways, because there are more people. My mother and sister were empathic. My father is not. Even he treated them differently, and he loved them.” I try to keep my voice flat.
“Were?” Asha says quietly.
“They're dead.” I do not elaborate, and they have enough sense not to ask, though both of them are clearly curious. I close my eyes and see my sister in the paddock again, putting her mare through its paces while my mother watched. They'd loved my father's farm, and so my father had adored them. My chest feels suddenly tight.
Asha speaks after a pause, mercifully jolting me back. “Our upbringings weren't different after all. I feel selfish now. It's been the same, but until yesterday I thought my life had been harder than everyone's.”
A good part of me thinks she's right, since I've never been attacked by a jaguar after running away from home, but I refrain from pointing that out.
“Do you regret coming here?” I ask.
“No. I wouldn't have been able to have this conversation two weeks ago. And here, at least, I have a chance of fitting in. And now that I know there is so much I don't know, I won't be surprised again.”
We all lie on Asha's bed in silence. I take the opportunity to surreptitiously look around her room. It is more eclectic than I expected—some of the decor is Kiranese, some Midbaran, but she has managed to make it look soft rather than gaudy. Cloth is everywhere—another carpet on the floor, hangings on the walls. All hard corners have been covered and obscured. The shelf lining the far wall is half-full of readers, most on local plant and animal life, one on Oceanan cooking, and I think I can also see an uplink that would give her access to every work the University holds in its library. I wonder who taught her how to read. Desmond either doesn't know about these, or is blind to their significance. Asha is clearly taking her education into her own hands. The sound panel near the bed has been used, as well—she's been listening to flute music.
“I used to play a type of wooden flute, you know,” I say, gesturing at the panel.
Asha smiles. “Would you play for me?”
Elene stares at me with great interest. I suddenly feel awkward for volunteering information. “No. I haven't played in years. I'd sound terrible.”
“Was it a pretty instrument?”
“It was well-made. Midbaran-style. Longer, didn't sound reedy. A bit heavy, though, for long compositions.” My sister had loved it.
“Why did you stop?”
I am saved from answering by Asha's wristband sounding. She walks to the shelving and rummages around, finally locating it. I take the time to compare her backside to Elene's. No adorable freckles, but her overall skin tone is far more appealing. I'd seen it naked last night, but the underwear she has on now make the view seem more erotic. She turns to me, and I am granted a view of her belly-button. I have the sudden urge to pull her to me and bury my tongue in it.
“Desmond is on his way here to speak to me.”
“That's my cue to leave, then. I don't want to be here when he gets here, though he may have already pinged me.” If that were the case, I definitely didn't want to be.
Asha blinks, then understands. “These wristbands seem so wrong sometimes,” she mutters, putting it on.
“Believe me, you have no idea. Oh, Asha?”
She looks up at me. “Yes?”
“Before you see him, you may want to put on some pants.”
She and Elene look down as one, then back to me, and I am pleased to find I was right—they'd had no idea they weren't dressed. I give Asha a wide grin as Elene pushes me out her door by force. “Lecherous! I should make you use the front door so you run into him!”
“Don't worry. I would have said something earlier, but I was trying to count the freckles on your legs.”
“Out!” She stamps her foot and points toward a staircase at the far end of the hall. I give her another grin and head for them just in time to hear Desmond announce himself in the common room. Once I am out of sight, I head back to my dorm. I'll need a shower before I see Caroline—all the humidity has made me feel sticky.
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