Chapter Thirty: Desmond

Caroline tries to squeeze me even more tightly, but it doesn't stop the feeling that the world has just ended. I've been on edge since the trial because I couldn't contact Asha. I desperately needed to tell her everything, and explain to her why I was forced to keep it from her. Thank her for making good on her word and keeping out of my head when I had no real way to stop her. Ask her all the questions I had been forcing myself to forget since the day I met her. Was her mother well, for one? How were her brothers? Had her mother hated my brother, hated me? Did the village ever speak of what I had done? If not, I would have to tell her, and I was entirely unconvinced that she would be able to forgive me.


But then today, the day of their return had come, and an unkempt, groggy Seamus had stumbled off the train without Asha. Without Reid. And everything had fallen apart.


“Desmond, where's Asha?” Seamus had asked, and then he picked up on my panic. “No, I thought she'd come on ahead! No one at the Capital could find her, so we just figured Reid had packed her back early!”

It felt like all my blood had evaporated. “Can you feel her?”


He shook his head. “No, but I thought that was because I was still so hazy from all the drugs.” Judging by the look on his face, he felt as foolish as I did. I assured him I'd figure out where she was and sent him off to eat and rest, because he was by no means strong enough to exert himself after being kept under for two months.


Messages to Aria had returned no leads. She hadn't seen Asha since the trial ended. Aki couldn't get a straight word out of anyone at the Capital, either. But the feeds were utterly silent. Kiran's most famous empath had dropped off the face of the planet, and no one seemed to find that noteworthy.


In the end, that's how we knew what had happened.


Aki, Caroline, and I had collapsed together at the end of the day in her office, and I'd promptly humiliated myself by bursting into tears when I was handed a cup of tea. To make matters worse, Aki had picked up on the strength of my emotion and began to cry, herself. I hadn't cried in years, but up until that moment I had actually wondered if Aki were incapable.


“Are you calling me heartless, Doyle? I've cried before. Sometimes it's even been my own emotion.” She gave me a wan smile and wiped at her eyes.


“What am I missing?” Caroline had asked, slamming her mug of tea down onto the table.


“Asha's in custody,” Aki said, sparing me from the necessity of tear-clogged speech.


“What? How do we know?”


“You saw the feed,” the Admiral said softly, taking a sip of tea. Caroline and I had both been horrified when we'd seen the clip of her seeding the crowd and then collapsing being broadcast freely. But, like everything else Asha had done, the feeders found it adorable, and slightly tragic, rather than terrifying. And so we'd all hoped that nothing would be done because of the political repercussions.


“No!” Caroline sputtered. “No! We were told when Seamus was taken! We knew within the day!”


I forced myself to speak. “Darling, nobody knew who Seamus was.”


“They can't do this!”


Aki sighed. “Yes, they can. And in all honesty, can you imagine what would happen to this campus if word got out she'd been taken in after she'd just helped free Seamus?”


All three of us paused to consider that one. It had been bad enough keeping our students under control when Seamus had been taken. Everyone knew he'd been seeded. There wasn't a person at the University who disliked him, and they knew instantly someone that nice simply could not be a murderer. He didn't have it in him. A campus full of empaths would know.


“We're going to have to shut the campus down eventually,” Aki groaned. “When this gets out. Or there will be riots. We'll have to cancel sports, clubs, lower the capacity at the cafeteria.”


I buried my head in my hands. “This is a nightmare.”


“The alternative is worse. But look, that's not why I called you two here.” Aki drained her mug and smoothed her grey hair out of her eyes. “I need both of you to promise me two things.”


I wiped at my eyes and took a few deep breaths to compose myself while Caroline rubbed gently at my back. When she was certain both of us were listening, Aki continued. “Not a word about any of this to anyone. Cancel your lessons if you have to. Desmond, you find a way to keep Seamus silent. And if either of you do anything stupid, I will personally murder you both.”


“Aki, this is my niece—” I began, but she snarled at me.


“I will do everything I can, Doyle. I really wish after all these years that you would just trust me.” When I didn't answer, she continued. “In the meantime, you do what you can to help me keep our University from burning to the ground! Is that understood?”


But the only thing I'm capable of doing is sobbing like my brother's dead all over again. Caroline hasn't left my side since the meeting, but nothing she can say will make me feel better. It's not fair to her, but she refuses to leave me.


“Desmond, I'm sure she'll keep her word. The Fleet's not about to just let Asha fall for this.”

“Caroline, after all I've told you in the past few days, you have to understand why I don't agree with you.”


She sighs, and for a minute I believe she is going to smack me. “Desmond, in all honesty, the fact that they still let you work for them after what happened on Old Earth is a miracle. Clearly they make exceptions for talent. They'll fight tooth and nail to keep Asha.”


I inhale her scent and try to stop crying. My back is beginning to hurt from lying on the couch for so long. We sit up together, and I shake my head. “Caroline, I have to do something.”


“Aki told us no—”


“Would you let your niece rot in a jail cell?”


She pulls away from me and shakes her head. “You know, I think you were right back when you asked them to reassign her to a different Teacher. You're losing your focus.”


“She's family!”


“Yes, and that's supposed to come second to the good of the Fleet! That's a lesson you should have learned by now!” she snaps. “Desmond, I don't want our students rioting. Do you have any idea what that would do to the planet right now, with the political climate the way it is?”


When I don't answer, she crosses her arms over her chest. “Look. I like Asha. And I am terrified for Reid. But you need to trust Aki and let her handle this. It's her job, not yours.”


Silence stretches in the room between us. She's not going to like what I'm thinking. “The way the planet treats empaths is really terrible, you know. Even here.”


“Well, yes.” She gives me a strange look.


“I almost wonder if this isn't the perfect time to try to fix that.”


Caroline stares at me for a moment, working out what I'm saying. To my surprise, she leans in and kisses my forehead. “Desmond, I love you.”


“I love you too, Caroline.”


“But I'm not about to lose my job for you.”


My heart sinks. “I understand.”


“So if you need someone to talk to about how worried you are about Asha, or Reid, or someone to be with you, let me know. But keep me out of whatever you're planning.”


“I'm not really planning anything.”

“Keep it that way, then.” She gives me another kiss, then stretches. “Will you be okay if I go to bed? I'm very tired.”


“Of course.”


“But you'll let me know as soon as you get word?”


I sigh. “I'm worried about Reid, too. I am. But his connection to the seeding is tenuous at best. We won't have any problem getting him back.”


“I hope you're right. He's not nearly as resilient as Asha. I suppose it's too much to hope that they're holding them together.” When I nod, she shakes her head. “This shouldn't have happened to them.”


I think of Rayland, the fanatic, and feel my fists clench. “I know.”


I wait until it's clear that she won't be coming back. I force myself to make tea, then forget about it accidentally while I go through the motions of washing up. Then, once I've had time to second-guess myself, I message Jaden Ahern.


Owe you one, he'd said. Maybe he wasn't lying. His sister is an empath, after all; he understands what it's like to have family in danger.


He'd given me access to his private feed panel; that, I had not expected. He sits down in plainclothes on a couch on the screen across from me and smiles in his easygoing way. “Teacher Doyle! What can I do for you?”


“Actually, Jaden, I need a favor.”


His grin widens. “Said I owed you one. Shouldn't be a problem.”


“Asha's missing.”


His smile fades in an instant. “Oh, we know. I've been wanting to run a piece on it for three days now, but the government keeps shutting us down.”


Three days? A significant part of me wants to throttle Asha. If she'd bothered to speak to me, we would have known she was missing much sooner. “Tell me what you know.”


“She was seen taken by Kiranese police while shopping with her bodygu—friend Reid at the Grand Market.”


“Do we know what happened to Reid?”


“Well, he's missing too, as far as we can tell, but no one can remember him being caught. The problem is he's not as nearly well-known as Asha, so no one was paying any attention to him.”

“Is there a feed from the Grand Market that shows it?”


Jaden's frown deepens. “Oddly enough, no. They say they were having camera issues in that quadrant.”


“How convenient.” We both chuckle, but I think neither of us find this genuinely amusing. There's a pause. He watches me politely, and I try to think of the best way to phrase what I have in mind. “Well, I think there are laws against the government suppressing missing persons reports, aren't there?”


Jaden's look turns calculating. “What did you have in mind?”


“Interview me and Seamus tomorrow. Maybe even Elene, if she'll agree. Spin it as Asha never getting off the train.”


He considers this. “You'd really let me interview Seamus?”


“Jaden, I want my niece back.”


“I hate to say this, but couldn't you lose your job for allowing me to run this story?”


“I'm probably going to lose it anyway, now that the truth is out. All that matters now is helping my niece.”


He rubs at his knuckles absently. “I have a confession to make. I had a run-in with Reid right before they disappeared. Don't like him very much.”


“That happens.” Only Asha's patience seems to be infinite.


“Said something I'm regretting. I called both of you selfish, and I'm sorry. It's clear you care about Asha.”


“So you'll help, then?”


He laughs. I wonder how long he's practiced to make it sound that pleasant. “Of course I will. This is only gonna help my ratings. But Demond,” he adds, “if I can call you that. I do want her back. She hasn't deserved any of this.”


“Thank you, Jaden.”


“I'll be there first thing in the morning.”


I nod. “Just message my wristband. I'll talk to Seamus and Elene in the meantime.”


When the feed ends, I fall over onto the couch and try not to start crying again. All of this is stirring up old memories of what happened on Old Earth, and even though I am trying as hard as I can to forget, images of Aditi keep surfacing.


Asha resembles her so strongly that it hurts. She smiles the same way, laughs the same way, has the same tendency to tilt her head to the right when she's listening intently. And then she has Alexander's eyes, lips. She's as stubborn as he was, too. For the past year she's been a living reminder of everything I've had taken from me, and now that she is in prison and I'm in danger of losing my job I can finally think about it freely.


Alexander, the empath, the smart brother, the attractive brother.. Sent to Old Earth as a recruiter, with me along as a translator. The Fleet doesn't normally send family members on assignment together, but he and I were the best, and so they made an exception. After all, it was Old Earth. What could go wrong?


He'd died two years into a three-year tour. Ate something he shouldn't have, some dark-colored berries from a plant with purple flowers that all the Natives studiously avoid because during some seasons even brushing up against its leaves is enough to make one ill. Nothing like that would have been allowed to survive on Kiran—we would have wiped it out and filled its niche with something else, or bred the poison out of it. That's what he kept telling me as he gripped my hand in his and writhed in pain. He died before we could get him back to a ship with a decent medical facility. All the Natives found his death funny, in a way, since none of their smallest children would have ever eaten those berries. All but one. Aditi had admitted to me quietly two months later that she was with child, and that chances were it was his. I knew what would happen if the infant were raised on Old Earth.


And so I broke every rule in the book to get her off-planet, but it didn't work, and the villagers didn't take too kindly to her absence. To put it mildly. In the end, it became an interplanetary incident.


Would Asha understand why I fought so hard to take Aditi with me? Probably. Would she think I'd fought hard enough? Unlikely. She would be correct. But I was young, and Admiral de Leon still scared me. They offered me a spot as a Teacher in exchange for letting them take Aditi back, and I agreed.


The rest of Aditi's life, if the villagers and her husband were as unforgiving as I fear, is entirely my fault. And Asha's painful childhood is entirely my fault. Jaden was right to call me selfish. My motivation for helping her has been wrong until now. She deserves better. My job doesn't matter as much as keeping her safe does. I have enough saved to make do even without a pension.


I throw my tea mug and watch as it shatters against the wall and sends a spray of cold liquid against the blue tile of the kitchen. As tea trickles onto the floor, I message Seamus, and Elene, and Bastian, and I wait for them to arrive.


While I wait, I start packing my things. I don't expect to have a job by this time tomorrow.