Chapter Two

ASHA
Urgency tears me into consciousness. There is a hand on my shoulder and a voice in my head. A hand is how I wake up every morning, but something is wrong. Elene owns the hand. Elene's thoughts urging me awake. Where is Nanda? I sit up too fast and the world spins.

She wraps my hands around a mug and rests herself on the bed next to me. Tea. Everything is fine because she wouldn't bring me tea if something bad had happened. Not like this. Nanda is meeting with his Teacher and asked Elene to wake me up before Desmond came to collect me. He is worried about me being on my own. I am just worried about being able to pay attention. I feel so hazy here. Its unfamiliarity makes me easily lost. Everyone thinks I am doing better than the day I got here but this planet still makes no sense.

Elene smiles at me. She has freckles like Keven which I did not realize until I saw them in the same room when he came to say hello yesterday. I like hers better. They make her look friendly. Her hair is longer than any other girl's I've seen here and feels like discarded silk to my fingers but looks like dying grass to my eyes. Her hair reflects light. It makes her stand out. Only her eyes are dark brown like Nanda's, and flecked. Her favorite feature is the freckle on her left iris. I like the ones on her shoulders better and wanted to give her one of my shirts so they would show but it was too small for her. Being near Elene makes me feel narrow.

The mug in my hands is glossy blue and reflective. Blue reminds me of my eyes which was fine back home because it was so rare to see but here my stomach is constantly turning when I walk around. Everything on this campus shouts at me that I am a bastard but that does not make the tea taste any less good. It is dark, floral. It jolts. This is only the third time that I have had red tea. She has made it for me every morning since I got here like her mother would to get the family out of bed.

I swing my feet. Elene's are touching the floor so I feel the carpet and air all at once. Carpet is new too. It seems wrong to put cloth on the floor but my feet like the softness and the warmth and they have machines to suck it clean. They have machines for everything. There is an angry beeping noise coming from the one on my wrist. I learned yesterday that means someone is finding me. Desmond. The screen tells me in Kiranese he will be here in thirty minutes. Days are too divided here.

Elene takes the mug from my hands and puts it on the desk by my bed. A shirt is there, and pants. Mine. I can smell the leather from here. Nanda spoke to Desmond yesterday about the shirts they gave me because they keep sliding off of me and they should not. Mine work right and feel familiar and I hope that helps me think. Elene wants me to get dressed and come eat a little breakfast before my Teacher shows up. I slide off the bed and touch the floor so I can get to my clothes. My skin is telling me it is no longer warm as I pull the night shirt over my head. It gets tangled in my braid. Everything here gets tangled in my braid. I do not fit. No one in the dorm fits. Elene's memories are full of water. She had never seen land, had never walked on solid ground. She hates the dirt, and how it is impossible to stay clean. She cuts her fingernails every day. Diane had never seen trees. Their branches make her worry one will fall and split her scalp open and her blood will drain and pool and spread. Every time she walks to classes her head is filled with the image of her hair, dripping dark and plastered to her face. Only the Kiranese belong, with their blue eyes blending in. I am an impostor. My eyes pretend but my skin betrays.

Oh no. I have gotten dressed without realizing it. I am down the stairs and Elene is in the kitchen now, but where have I been? My wristband says time has passed. The numbers mean nothing to me. They climb and fall but they do not tell time because they cannot speed up or slow down. They just count and life continues on its own. That is how I got on the stairs.

“Elene? Is he here yet?” My voice is painful from disuse. The Kiranese is rough on my tongue. Its sound startles us both but I am trying to stay where I belong. If I focus I will not lose time.

“He is walking up the path. You have time for toast.” She has known Desmond longer. She finds him with the ease that I locate Nanda. His head is full of blue tile but his thoughts are faint. We have not been this far apart since he first found me in the woods. Pinned under a corpse. Almost a corpse. Nostrils full of iron and dirt from the mud around me. The weaker I grew the more mud there was.

“You've got blood on the mind today, Asha,” Elene says, handing me a slice of bread with honey. The smell is like comfort. I smile at her and take a bite and quietly reel at the sweetness. I am still not used to it.

“Is it me? I was not sure.”

“Diane and Nanda aren't here, and I'm thinking about cupcakes.” Her mind flashes the image of cupcakes iced with blood and she grimaces. Now we're both seeing blood and we want to stop but cannot.

“I am sorry.”

“Sorry about what?” asks a voice behind me. Pleasant, but the mind it belongs to is tired. Desmond.

“All the blood,” I tell him before I remember that he doesn't know what we're thinking. How can he understand if he can't see? I can feel my pulse in my neck under the scar as his confusion reaches me. I need to sit so I find the floor, but I let go of the toast and now there is honey on the tile. Elene picks it up and replaces it with another piece wordlessly but my eyes tear up all the same.

“Why can I not I do anything right?” I ask Desmond. His thoughts shift to my language. I must have asked in it but why could I not tell?

“You can. Thoughts just get in the way right now.”

“I want it to stop.” My head is shaking back and forth. The toast is cold, the honey hard. My tongue is too sweet. Have I even eaten any of it?

He sits down next to me and touches me under the chin. Our eyes meet and are blue together, and I am enveloped in his compassion even though he has no understanding. “It will. In the meantime, we'll do everything we can to make this easier. I was thinking we'd have our lesson under the trees today. What do you think?”

Elene is jealous and Nanda too. But what do I think?

“Do you think going there is a good idea?” His voice is slow and his mind is patient.

No one asks what I think. They always just know but he cannot know and now I do not either because he asked.

“Asha, you have to answer. Do you like the trees?”

I nod in reply, so I must.

“Do you want to see them today?”

Another nod. He does not ask the third question again because I am not ready. I feel ashamed and it must actually be me because Elene is proud of how well I am doing.

“Asha.”

My eyes find him, finally, and I see more than just his eyes. Thick, grey-brown hair. Dark skin compared to Elene-Keven but I am still darker. This is my Teacher. He smiles at me in greeting.

“Yes?” I try the Kiranese again and his smile widens.

“Pick something to take with us to help you focus.”

Elene goes to get it before I realize what I have decided on. Desmond frowns but says nothing because it will be faster if Elene gets it and she means well anyway. That is one of the reasons why he likes her so much. I want to say something to fill the time while he waits for Elene but by the time I realize the homework I am worrying about is Diane's she is draping it around me. I run my hands over the spotted fur and smile up at Desmond.

“I am ready.”

He has me walk next to him on the way to the Arboretum—so that is what it is called—and questions me along the way. As we leave the dorms behind I feel my head clear. The world slides into focus and I hear my sandals on the cement and smell the leaves as they fall to the ground. It rained while we were sleeping. Desmond's steps sound heavy next to mine because he has never had to hunt. No one in my village walked like that and survived. It is too easy to sneak up on people here. They are worried by how quietly I move.

“Asha. Do you know how many planets are in the Consortium?” He asks in Kiranese.

I force my mind to remember the words. “Five, counting mine.”

“Can you name them?”

“Old Earth, Newearth, Midbar, Oceanus, Kiran.”

“Do you know you named them in order of founding?” He wants to know if he is actually speaking to me.

“Yes. My recruiter taught me.”

“I'd like to teach you about one of them today.”
“Which one?”

“I thought I'd let you choose.”

“Think about them again.” This request does not confuse him. Images rise to the forefront of his mind and I absorb them. Newearth. Huge, dirty buildings. Thick air. Reid.

“So that is where he is from,” I say, and Desmond nods. His mind skips instantly to Elene and water and enormous fish. Oceanus. Another boy's face, darker than mine, but I do not know him. Water is replaced with sand and Diane's face appears. Midbar. Of all the people here her features are the most like mine. Keven, and himself, but a strange image of himself. Younger, more open, and less sad. The University. Kiran.

“So, Asha? Which is the most interesting?”

I sigh and stare at my feet, trying to think. “Which....” Nanda finds me, and I lose the words as his mind pulls me away from Desmond's.

He waits patiently. My head hurts. “Which... would it be best for me to learn about?” It is Elene's thought, but he cannot tell.

“That depends on your angle. Do you want to acclimate to modern Kiran faster, or learn more history?” He looks down at me kindly but he expects me to have no idea how to handle this question. I kick at a stick in the path because my pulse is fast. My throat is thick with worry but my chest is constricting with anger and I feel the familiar haze that comes from feeling too many people's emotions at once. The ground ripples and I fall to my knees beneath the catskin, hitting the path on four legs. Pain flares from the pebbles.

“Nanda, Elene,” I say to Desmond, but I cannot tell if he understands what is wrong. I feel crowded and my stomach is heaving like the ground beneath my feet and they will not go away and let me think. My back writhes and I vomit their worry into the grass. It tastes like tea. Desmond waits, completely unconcerned. Nothing I am doing is new. I glare up at him and wipe my mouth.

“Stay focused and they won't be able to confuse you,” he says reasonably, holding out his hand. I take it and am standing again.

“K-kiran,” I manage. “When we get to the trees. Kiran.”

“I'll take you.” He guides me by the hand so we are both spinning together. I cling to him because my eyes are closed and time dissolves into my nausea. My nose tells me there are leaves above me and when my eyes open we are there. Desmond spreads the pelt out on the ground and we sit. The fur-spots mix with the light-spots and meld together, and we rest on camouflage. The buildings have been replaced by birds. They feel more like home than cement.

“How do you feel?” he asks in Kiranese.

“Calm,” I say, and this answer startles me.

“Very good. Now Asha, when we are working together, you may focus on my thoughts, but please do your best to listen to my words and react to those. My voice is your priority, understand?”

I do not understand but I cannot think of a way to make him see why, so I agree. Words are wrong. Useless. They make it so hard to communicate. He is using words I do not know on purpose and it exhausts me.

“Kiran was colonized two hundred Consortium years after most of the human race left for Newearth.” An image of tall, crumbling buildings flashes through his mind but there is no context. The Newearth in his mind earlier seemed overcrowded, but my planet had no such buildings. We prefer the ground.

“Oceanus was a centennial colony at this point, but Newearth's population had grown so that most of their arable land was being developed. This is why more settlers were sent over to Kiran—the planet needed food.”

“How...” I sort through his words until I know my question.

“Yes?” He is pleased that I am asking questions. I smile his happiness back at him.

“How old are Oceanus and Kiran now?”

“Four hundred and three hundred years, respectively.”

“Why did this never happen to them?” My words are slow compared to him.

Desmond smiles. “Careful planning. Building upkeep on Oceanus is expensive. There is constant salt wear, storm wear. It isn't economically feasible for cities the size of those developed on Newearth to survive. And us Kiranese were able to learn from the mistakes of both planets. Newearth polluted the land, Oceanus the water. And so we maintain a balance.” He is proud of the planet even if the University's buildings are sometimes silly.

“I do not understand Newearth, then. We know how to live with our environment. Did they not come from us?”

Desmond sighs. “It's complicated, Asha. You are of the people who never left.” His thoughts become guarded and for a moment he feels like Reid. “Your people re-learned in the years after the Exodus. Those who went to Newearth and Midbar did not. One thing you will find, Asha, if you have not already, is that the human race is slow to change.”

“Have you ever been to Newearth, Desmond?”

He nods. “Yes, why?”

Reid's eyes. “I would like to see it.”

He looks at me for a moment, and then nods. He thinks of the shuttle landing and the grey landscape as far as the eye can see. Buildings replace trees, grass dies in the heat, soil cascades into the city and coats everything with a dull film. When it rains the entire planet is coated in a sticky film. Nothing is green. I think again of Reid and his lifeless eyes and suddenly I understand. But there is something else there. A sense of disgust, of superiority. Desmond keeps it out of his voice but it taints his memory.
“Desmond, why do you not you like them?”

He chuckles. “Very good, Asha. You're keeping me on my toes. You know what war is, I take it?” His mind fills with blood and smoke. I swallow and nod even though I had not before he filled my mind with death. People should not hunt other people.

“There was a war,” he continues. “A big one, long before I was born. The Kiranese colony became too powerful. The Navy was already recruiting empaths from other planets, who joined us willingly. We wanted control over our own resources, and so we attacked Newearth. We wouldn't have had a chance, but Oceanus joined in, and Midbar stayed out of it entirely. I can't... I can't tell you how many people died.” I feel his horror. It makes me think of my brother Mani, and watching him die. I shiver.

“That was twenty-five years after the colony was founded. Newearth blew through its food stores feeding the troops, and soon we had our freedom. After ten years of shaky peace, the governments decided to form the Consortium. That was a long, long time ago, but we have such good records of all the terrible things we did to one another in the war that, well.” He sighs.

“Like what?” I ask because his mind has shut down again and I cannot see.

“Asha, I 'm not sure this is important right now.”

“No. I want to know.” We frown at each other.

He pauses. “Well, the Newearth army wiped entire towns off the map overnight, and the Kiranese... well. There were no Type Three empaths then, at least none documented, but the Type Twos were powerful enough. They... they would get into the minds of the pilots of cruisers and transports, who were mostly Type One empaths back then because they could keep better control of their crews. But the better ones could do it to non-empaths, too. The Kiranese would make them wreck the ship or kill the crew.”

His mind roils and resumes its blankness. “It's called seeding. Empaths can... suggest emotions to other people, usually other empaths. It has been outlawed since the war, but it can be done.”

I shake my head violently as thousands of people die at my will. “That is terrible.” The words are not strong enough for how I feel.

He runs his hands along the pelt, using the fur to focus. He feels suddenly familiar. “It gets worse. It's far easier for a non-empath to seed a strong empath. It's what happens to you any time you go out in public, to an extent. But that, even when done maliciously, is not considered a crime in the Consortium. Here at the University, yes, but we're more used to dealing with your kind.”

He is trying to reassure me, but I am too focused on what he said just before. “...Why is it not a crime?”

“Because it can't be conclusively proven that the empath was not in control of him or herself.”

“That is not true. Anyone can tell you that. Ask Elene or Nanda!”

“Asha, any empath can tell you that. But let me ask you this. Can you understand why I am so reliant on words?”
I shake my head, and he continues. “Do you think I understand you?”

“No.”

“Then how can you possibly explain to me someone was seeded and make it quantifiable?”

I do not answer even after I have learned what he meant, and he doesn't continue. The air is warm and sleepy and my mind feels the same way. I lie down and stare up at the leaves above me. The wind blows gently and the light dazzles me and etches the edges of the leaves in red and gold. Their life burns into me.

“All of this is wrong. Has nothing good happened here, Desmond?”

The ground vibrates gently as he falls onto his back beside me. He is genuinely comfortable for the first time since I have met him. “Yes. This University is an oasis of sanity in an insane system, Asha.” His mind has closed again.

“Tell me.”

“It was founded one hundred years after the planet was colonized, by the Navy. Type Three empaths were beginning to be born on Kiran, and it was going... badly. Many of them went insane, or took their own lives. So the Fleet instituted a program that would guarantee tuition and a job for any empath that sought training here. Empaths started flocking in from the other planets, and everyone was given a place by the government, one way or another. The Fleet sent delegates to your planet to learn how to properly train the powerful ones, like you. And now, one hundred years later, here we are. The Fleet is almost entirely empathic, suicide rates are at an historic low, and people such as yourself are learning to lead normal lives.”

“Which is your favorite building?”

“What?” I have taken him completely by surprise because the question makes no sense to him.

“Which building do you like the most?”

He almost lies. “There is a terradome at the other end of campus. Some of the professors here maintain it for botanical research. It was designed to mimic the conditions on Old Earth and is, in my opinion, the best place on campus to clear your head.”

“You liked my planet.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why did you not stay?”

He sighs and sits up. “Look at me, Asha. They treated me just as poorly as they treated you.”

He is wrong, and I want to tell him so, but my vision is swimming and I am too tired to be angry because of all the speaking. My throat hurts and everything around me is begging me to fall asleep and meld but Desmond's voice is demanding me to stay myself.
“Something tells me you're tired,” he says, and his amusement makes me giggle. “Think you can stay awake until Nanda comes to pick you up?”

“No,” I mutter in my tongue. I have forgotten the Kiranese but he switches flawlessly.

“I'll stay here, then. Go ahead and give in. I've worked you hard today.” He hides his thoughts and splits from me, leaving me alone with the leaves and the warmth and the whispers.



REID
Caroline's hand slams down on the table inches from my nose. I lift my head from where it was resting on my arms and narrow my eyes at her.

“What.”

“Pay attention! Where's your head today, Reid?”

Nowhere I want to admit to. Have been analyzing that Type Three girl since we met two weeks ago. Even spent spare hours in the cafeteria, and gone to all my classes, but the students are silent about her. This must be because she's spending her time either with her Teacher or in the dorms. But part of me wonders if she exists at all. The memory has an unreal quality. Her hair. The blankness in her eyes as she verbally abused me. She hadn't even been looking at me half the time. Her eyes had darted about as she swayed gently in place, completely unaware of how awkward her body appeared. Typical. The stronger the empath, the less they manage to take care of themselves. Bastian was usually bleeding from one limb or another, and Elene forgot to change her clothes, or brush her hair, or sleep. No wonder that boy had been shadowing her.

“Reid!” Caroline hits me on the side of the head and sits down across from me. “Seriously. What's going on in there?”

Want to see how she reacts to me thinking about another girl, so I try honesty. “That Type Three who just arrived. You know her name?”

Caroline giggles girlishly. “I was right! What did she do to you?”

“Nothing. I just want to know her name.”

“Asha.” It rolls off her tongue easily; she's had a long conversation about her at least once. A telling sign.

“Desmond's her teacher, then?”

She blinks in surprise, but nods. “I can also tell you her dorm and when she's scheduled to meet with him. Do yourself a favor and go find her, otherwise you're going to be useless for weeks.”

“But Caroline, we've another hour and a half before I'm free. You know how much I cherish the time we have together.”

She raps her knuckles on the table and ignores the jibe with annoying success. “Tell you what. If you promise to go find her right now, this instant, and get this out of your system, I'll cut our lesson short.”

My turn to blink in surprise. In the two years I've known her, Caroline's never cut a lesson short without first being furious at me. “What's the catch?”

“You have to tell me what she's like. I'm curious, and Desmond won't let me near her because I'd be a distraction during lessons.”

Am worried what message me seeking her out will send. Then again, she may not even be coherent enough socially yet to see a message at all. But the boy will, and he won't like it. The entire visit will be a waste if I can't get her away from him.

“Do you know if the boy who's glued to her has had his lessons yet?”

“Actually, I do. Nanda—he has a name, you know—has his lessons in less than an hour.”

One problem down, but I still think Caroline has an ulterior motive. Guess I'll find out after the fact.

“Fine. What dorm is she in?”

“Hanakawa.”

“Right.”

Caroline peers at me over her glasses. “Is that a problem?”

“Only if Diane is home,” Caroline gives another giggle, so I can only assume the Teachers are also aware of the flaming wreck that was my relationship with Diane. My cheeks flush with a combination of embarrassment and rage. Why I'd decided to pursue the only student on campus more vindictive than I am I'll never know, but it did not end well. Then again, it was my fault she was angry at me, so in a way she had every right to spread all those rumors. A weaker man would care.

“Alright, I'll be your spy.”

“Enjoy your day off, Reid.” She gathers her things in a rush and strides purposefully out the door. Have the sudden urge to follow her instead and see what she's so eager to run off to, but I'm more interested in the girl. Isn't difficult to guess, anyway; Caroline's skirt had been even shorter than usual. She must have a date planned. That would explain the giggling, the lack of caring that I was so distracted by the girl—Asha—and letting me off the hook for an admittedly inane reason.

Is raining today, and Hanakawa is on the other end of campus. The water is wetting the leaves and enhancing the smell of their decay. Autumn is such a morbid season. Things here may not turn to slime when it rains, but being surrounded by the stench of half-dead trees is not what I would call a dramatic improvement. I hunch my shoulders and spend as much time on the covered walkways between buildings as I can on my trek to find Asha. The entryway of Hanakawa consumes me in dimness as I step in and remove my shoes.

“Anyone home?” Elene, lives here, I think. She seems to actually like me.
“Now there's a voice I never thought I'd hear in here again.”

“...Diane.”

She steps out of the kitchen and into the foyer, wiping her hands on a kitchen cloth. “What brings you here? Finally decided to confront me over all the rumors?”

“No. Rumors are funny, though. Nice work. I'm here looking for Asha.”

Her eyes narrow. “You have a thing for short, dark-skinned girls, don't you?”

“Caroline sent me on an errand, Diane. Calm down.”

“Don't fucking tell me what to do.” She sidles closer and looks up at me. Her brown eyes are hollow, and every strand of her black hair perfectly frames her face. Makes me think of spider webs every time she pats it into place. “What's her location worth to you?”

I shrug, and she scowls. “You're even less fun than you used to be.”

“You're even more angry.” My smile is a mistake.

“Well, that's what happens when you cheat on someone, isn't it? You're just lucky I haven't figured out who she was!”

I grin down at her. “You never will. Anyway, you could have left those nail marks and you know it.”

She snorts. “Right. Those were fresh, but I was on top the night before. It makes perfect sense!”

I raise an eyebrow and make sure to keep my face blank. “Her wristband says she's here.”

“She took it off.” Diana bares her teeth again. “Tell me who the bitch is and I'll tell you where to find the primitive.”

I mess with my wristband, checking for Nanda. She must not know I know they're always together.

“Do you not like her?”

“What was your first clue?” Diane shifts her weight to one hip and crosses her arms. “She's half naked most of the time, and when she's around it's like having two Elenes. One was bad enough. Constantly asking stupid questions, too. And she's always, always in my head. Just lurking, and absorbing information. She knows more about me than she should, and I keep catching myself craving tea.”

“Living with a powerful personality is good training.” Nanda is in the Arboretum. Naturally. This day keeps getting better and better. Should give up and head back to my dorm, but Caroline will insist I make up the lost lesson time if I don't spend time with Asha today. Sighing, I shoulder my pack and turn for the door.

“Isn't Caroline going to be angry if you don't meet up with her?” Diane asks in a grating singsong.

“She's in the Arboretum with Nanda. Later.”

The kitchen towel strikes my left ear as I leave. Was she always so shallow? Something good came of fucking my Teacher, after all.

The Arboretum is near the building Caroline and I meet in. By the time I get back over to that side of campus I am soaking wet. Is dryer than I expected underneath the trees, at least; they are large, and I am told they are also old. They seem to be channeling most of the water away from their bases with the leaves that remain. The canopy above me is crimson, and makes the rest of the day seem even more overcast. The path is dry and crunches beneath my boots.

Asha is singing in a high, clear voice. The words are foreign, but the sound is eerily beautiful. Her voice dissipates through the trees so well that I have a hard time tracking it to its source. When I find them, they look so content that I almost turn back yet again. Asha has her back against a huge sycamore—the only tree I know by sight because of its smooth bark—and Nanda is lying at her feet with his head in her lap. She has her head tilted back as if she is looking at the leaves above her, but her eyes are shut. Her fingers are buried in Nanda's hair, and I'm not surprised to find that, for once, he appears neither tired nor grumpy. Their clothing is the same as ever. Wait, no. The style is the same, but they have traded animal skin for cloth. Their pants are heavy, loose-cut denim, and their shirts are cotton. Asha's is sheer and clings to her just as the leather did, but the result is more provocative. She seems more exposed than she did before. Her bare shoulders make me feel awkward, and I take a step back.

A twig snaps beneath my boots, and they both jerk onto their haunches, ready to spring. Nanda's eyes find me instantly, and he glares at me beneath his bangs. His hand darted to his left thigh when he heard me; that must be where he used to keep his obsidian knife. Wonder if he feels as naked without it as I do without my wristband.

Asha gazes at my left ear, clearly confused by my presence. “Reid! We did not know you were there!” she murmurs. Am surprised she remembers me, or even knows my name.

“Sorry. Didn't want to interrupt.”

“Why were you hiding?” Nanda asks me tersely as I step forward.

“What?”

“We cannot feel you,” Asha explains to the trees to my right, eyes rolled halfway back into her head. Can see why she unsettles Diane; she looks like a pretty corpse.

“Right. That. I'm like this all the time, Asha.”

Nanda beckons me over and silently tells me to sit. Even then I'm taller than both of them. He smooths his hair self-consciously.

“What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to see how you two were doing.”

His lips draw into a thin line. “I am confused by this. Our last meeting was not exactly... polite.”
I point at Asha, who has fallen over onto one side and is staring raptly at a flowering weed eking out a living inches from her nose. “Nanda, I've worked and lived with empaths for three years. I know when to take what they say to heart and when to cut them some slack.” Nanda runs his hand over her hair and says something to her in their native language. She makes a very sulky noise and rolls over onto her back.

“She does not want to talk to you.” Nanda shrugs apologetically, but I think he's secretly exasperated with her. They're not related, though their profiles say they have the same last name. And he would be more patient with her if they were married. Native marriages last for life; I've been told they are far better at forgiveness as a result.

“What did I do?”

“You are keeping her out. She... is not very good at using words.”

“She not want practice?”

“She gets enough practice from Desmond.”

“How does she speak to other non-empaths?”

“She does not.”

She turns her head to me when I laugh, but her eyes stay focused on something distant. Makes me feel transparent; I don't enjoy the sensation.

“Asha. You'll be meeting a lot of people soon who can't communicate like you do. Nanda, everyone you two have met have been Type Twos, right?”

He nods slowly.

“I'm a Type One. Even if I were readable, we couldn't talk like you wanted. You'd still have to tell me what you were thinking. I'm barely empathic at all.”

Her facial expression doesn't change, but the thoughtful look on Nanda's face suggests she is giving this due consideration. He gives me an uncertain smile and leaves her be. I do the same, since he knows her better than I do by far. Making a good impression with him is essential.

“You have practice with strong empaths.” His dark eyes bore into me, and I experience the uncomfortable sensation of familiarity caused by his mind wrapping around mine. He's trying to break in, and he comes closest to succeeding out of everyone I have yet met. He's a Type Two, alright—barely. With the right training he could easily gain more power.

“Yes.” Nanda gets the point and backs off. He's more adept socially than I expected. He had a good mentor on his planet, or loving parents. Asha had clearly been lacking both, and I can't help but wonder why. Natives are incredibly xenophobic, I know, but were her blue eyes enough to make her a complete outsider?

“Have I caught her at a particularly contrary moment?” I ask, plucking at a stray grass blade.
Nanda gives me a rueful grin. “Yes, you have. Lessons were... trying for her today. Desmond does not make things easy.” There is a hint of dissatisfaction in his tone.

“Think your Teacher does, then, or that is hers is too hard on her?”

“...I have less that needs reworking than Asha.”

Not quite sure what to make of his response. Nanda's wristband sounds just as I'm about to ask for clarification. He mutters something in his language that sounds suspiciously vulgar.

“I am late for my meeting with my Teacher. Asha-na, we have to go.”

She looks over at him—sort of—and shakes her head.

“Can stay with her if you want, Nanda. If she won't speak, I've got coursework with me.” He doesn't know me well enough for this to make him suspicious. If anyone from my classes could see the smile I'd just given him, they'd know I was up to something

“I... alright. I will be back in an hour and a half. If she decides to go back to the dorm, you may leave her with Elene if you wish.”

“What, can Asha not take care of herself?”

“What do you think, Reid?” he asks irritably, standing and brushing off his pants. “If she could, do you not think I would leave her be?”

Personally, I don't think he would, but I know better than to say that to him when he is doing what I want him to. He says goodbye to Asha and walks down the path, looking back over his shoulder once or twice. For a moment I'm surprised that he so willingly left the girl he cares about so deeply with a near stranger. But there are too few people and too many predators on his planet for them to spend time harming one another. Anyway, if I do anything Asha doesn't like every empath on this campus will know instantly.

She's still on her back, but her eyes are now shut. Her braid is thrown over her left shoulder, snaking its way between her breasts and ending at her thighs. The cord she used to tie it matches the shirt perfectly; lavender, a color I almost never see here. It makes her skin look edible. Wonder what she would do if I lowered my face to that gorgeous scar on her neck and gave it a good lick. Bad idea if she got angry, worse idea if she liked it. Either way, Nanda would never let me near her again. I take a cue from her and lie back, looking up at the dying leaves overhead.

“What are you doing, anyway?” Don't really expect a response, but her voice breaks the silence, the words quiet and only slightly accented.

“Getting to know the campus.” Her hand reaches up and she begins to rub absently at the scar. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, filling my nose with the smell of dirt and shutting out the sight of her slender fingers.

“Out in the middle of the Arboretum?” I try to keep my voice polite, though I am not sure she'd even understand tone.
“No, the people. They're showing me.” There is a rustle to my left; she is shifting to face me. I open my eyes and turn my head and am met with a surprising sight; her eyes are open, and focused directly on me. She has the longest lashes I've ever seen. I smile at her, happy to find that there's something to her after all, once everyone else has been stripped away. With Nanda gone, she seems more assertive.

“Can't take a walk around like a normal person?” Less tactful than it sounded in my head. Luckily, she doesn't seem to care. She shakes her head in the exaggerated way she has and gives a little sigh of exasperation. I've obviously missed the point she's trying to make. Like last time, our conversation is making me feel a little stupid. Like last time, I'm enjoying it.

“That just shows me the buildings.”

“That's not what we're talking about?” I'm beginning to see what Nanda meant when he said she wasn't “good with words.”

“I just want to know how the places make them feel.” She blinks for the first time since we made eye contact, and I am allowed to breathe.

“So ask.”

“This is easier. When people speak, they lie.”

Looks like I need to give her more credit. She may look vacant half the time, but she's definitely been doing plenty of observing. “Can you blame them?”

“I do not think I know how,” she whispers.

“To blame them?”

“To lie.” She blinks again and pulls herself forward so we are almost nose-to-nose. I swallow nervously and say the first thing that comes to mind.

“Could teach you. Gets easy with practice.” I sound like an asshole.

“That is what worries me.” She sits up fluidly, smiling, and for a brief moment she is a complete person. I'm worried by how much her personality appeals to me. Don't have the time to be smitten by someone this broken.

“Show me the campus. Give me a tour. Talk to me.”

My turn to sit up. “Why?”

She lifts a hand lazily and presses her index finger gently to my forehead. “I want to see if I know when you lie.”

Right. Caroline is never going to let me live this down. I check my wristband. Thirty minutes left of my supposed class time, over an hour until Nanda gets back.

“Alright, Asha. I'll show you the sights, but you have to do something for me in return.”
She leans in uncomfortably close again, and I wonder if she doesn't understand personal boundaries, or if they are smaller on her home planet. Will have to ask Desmond, since I know he spent a good chunk of time planetside. And, maybe he won't tease me for being so curious about it like Caroline would.

“Do what?”

I reach for her braid. “Let me see your hair undone.”

Her eyes widen and she leans back slightly. “No!”

Another mistake on my part. I keep my voice nonchalant. “Fine. When we're done, let's get tea at the cafeteria, and tell me how you got the scar.”

She gazes at me for a few moments before answering. “Agreed. That I will do.”

“Well, then, let's go.” I grab my pack in my left hand and start down the path. She leaps up and moves to stand on my right side. As we leave the trees, I feel her fingers slide gently against the palm of my right hand. I tighten my grip obligingly, telling myself she's only doing it to stay focused in a crowd, which I know from experience is true, but my heart is pounding anyway.

Won't be passing this bit along to Caroline, either.



DESMOND
The instant I am out of sight of Hanakawa I punch a code into my wristband and lift it to my mouth.

“Get me in to see the Admiral. I am on my way now.” That bit of info is really unnecessary, since she can see my direction of travel, but it lends the request more force.

“I'm sorry, Officer Doyle, but the Admiral is not seeing anyone today.” I do not recognize the voice of the girl on the other end of the transmission; she must be new.

“Miss, the Admiral will be seeing me. It's about the Type Three.”

“Officer Doyle, Admiral de Leon is really quite busy....”

“I don't care if she is single-handedly stopping a war. She'll see me.”

The transmission cuts off and I am worried I've had the bad luck to find the one stubborn office assistant currently employed on the planet, but when I arrive at the administrative building I am shown directly into the Admiral's chambers. She is seated behind her enormous mahogany desk, eating miso soup and idly scanning the news feed. I stand at attention when I enter, but she doesn't bother looking up. I am supposed to take this to mean that she is somewhat less than pleased with me.

“Officer Doyle, what possessed you to terrorize my brand new office assistant and bully your way on in here like you have some sort of season pass?” Her voice is bland, with a thick Midbaran drawl.

“Admiral de Leon, when I was assigned to teach Asha Indrani, you clearly stated I was to contact you should any problems arise.”

She waves a hand dismissively and takes a sip of soup before continuing. “I meant send me a notice, Doyle, not come barging into my personal space and ruin my lunch.”

“Admiral, this is much too important for a notice.”

“Obviously.” She gives me a dry smile before draining the rest of her soup. “Fine, Doyle, speak your mind.”

“Admiral, I request you find someone else to teach Asha.”

“Denied, Officer.”

“Admiral, she already knows I'm withholding information from her, and I'm not powerful enough to keep her out if she decides to go after it.”

She gives me a long stare, stands, and places both hands against the dark surface of the desk. They blend in with the tone of the wood, and for a brief moment the age lines spidering along her fingers become an extension of the wood grain. Everything in her office matches her; deep reds, dark browns. Fall colors. Stark, aged colors. I always forget how much she terrifies me.

“Off the record,” she barks. A small, blue light on the desk's feed panel goes out, and the atmosphere in the room becomes far less chilly. These conversations are only recorded so that she can go back later and prove the necessary information was passed on if need be; still, the instant that light goes out we both become far more relaxed.

“Desmond, what do you think you're doing?” She twines her long grey hair into a twist and secures it deftly with a pin.

“Aki, I can't do this. I can't be her Teacher.”

“Need I remind you the sole reason you are still employed with this University is because the Fleet decided otherwise?”

“They were wrong. Get someone else.”

“Desmond, there is no one else! You're the best we have! It's why we gave you Seamus, and it's why, despite your past record concerning Old Earth, we gave you Asha.”

I throw my hands up in exasperation. “She keeps probing! Asking what I thought of it. Asking why I didn't stay. What am I supposed to tell her?”

“Certainly not the truth! She's supposed to think you're benevolent and caring, Desmond, not that you spent half of the three years you were planetside starting riots.”

“Aki that's not—“

“Desmond, spare me the word mincing. You broke their rules. That is all.”
“Yes, Admiral.” I drop my head and lock my eyes on the thick carpeting surrounding her desk.

“On the record,” she murmurs, and the light sparks back on. “Officer Doyle, either you do this job, or you are discharged from the University and the Fleet, as you were well aware before this meeting. Fail to do this job properly, and not only will you be discharged, but you will be subjected to a formal inquiry concerning your performance. Is this perfectly clear?”

I clench my fists behind my back where the camera can't see before replying. “Yes, Admiral de Leon.”

Aki slams her finger against a button on the screen, and the blue light fades again.

“Desmond, honestly, what did you think this would accomplish?”

“I want to be able to look back on that recording and say 'I told you so.'”

“Your humor is not appreciated, Officer.” Her black eyes meet mine for the first time, and I am reminded why she is in charge of the University.

“Apologies, Admiral.” She and I both know I wasn't joking.

“Get out of here. Next time you want to waste my time by whining... don't. Dismissed.”

I am hustled out just as quickly as I was ushered in, and as I step back into the rain I can't help but wonder—what did I think that would accomplish? I suppose I was hoping they would see reason and reassign her. After all, I am still working with Seamus, and in an ideal world that alone would be grounds for them not to fire me. In fact, it might be, but I am not about to risk finding out for sure when I am eight years from securing a pension. And if I were reassigned, the other Teachers would wonder why. They would start digging, and even more people would find out about this whole mess of a situation than already have.

Sometimes I simply act like an idiot for no good reason. This is clearly one of those moments. When I was younger I was told it would happen less with time, but that seems to have been a lie. People don't actually get wiser with age, it seems; they just have less energy. I drag both hands through my hair and take deep, focusing breaths. What about our meeting had left me so unhinged today? Asha had been edgier than usual, and it must have gotten to me. She's bored. After three weeks of being kept away from the busier parts of campus, I can't really blame her, but as that fiasco with Reid shows, she isn't ready yet. Caroline and I haven't spoken since I yelled at her for sending him off to spy on my empath. “How the fuck was I supposed to know he'd let her faint into the buffet?” she had retorted before storming off. I don't think either of us are very proud of that encounter.

Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's time, but suddenly the entire ordeal strikes me as quite funny. I start laughing so hard I have to grope my way to a nearby bench and collapse, giving my body the support it needed to continue shaking. By the time I am done my sides ache and my pants are soaked through from the rain that had pooled on the bench seat. I tilt my head back and let more droplets fall onto my face with gentle, cold noises. I feel guilty for trying to shift Asha off onto someone else. She really is a great girl. Smart, determined, unexpectedly funny. More and more, she is making me laugh intentionally. And her complete lack of understanding of any social norms is as refreshing as Elene's, though her demeanor is far less exuberant. It's the constant questioning that gets to me. She's trying to get to know me as a person, and I can't allow that for countless reasons. I let my guard down for a moment, let her in, and the repercussions for the Fleet will be staggering.

I stand up and dry myself off as best I can before making my way back to my quarters. No wonder I am acting irrationally, given the pressure the Fleet has put on me over this girl. I need to make sure not to take this out on Asha, which will be no small task considering half the time she knows what mood I am in before I do. And as she becomes familiar with me, this is only going to increase. I've been told Elene keeps tabs on me at all times, unthinkingly, by some of the empathic instructors. It is only a matter of time before Asha forms a more solid connection, as well. I have thought about asking Caroline how she keeps her students from liking her, but I have yet to find a way to phrase it that won't sound terribly offensive.

“Desmond, what happened to you?” calls a woman's voice, part amused, part worried. I start guiltily and look up from the path to see Caroline standing outside my building's main door.

“Wet bench. What are you doing?”

She rocks back on her heels and doesn't quite meet my eyes. “I was waiting for you.”

I tap my wristband. “You could have messaged me.”

“I was afraid you were still angry.”

“No. Actually, I was recently shown the humor of the situation.” I give her a grin and hold the door open. “Care to come in for some tea? I need to vent.”

She pats her hair down and narrows her eyes at me. “You've still got the stronger stuff, right?”

“Fine. I'll make you some coffee.”

Caroline brushes past me and into the hallway. She's wearing perfume, which is unusual. I suddenly feel rather guilty; she must have been more worried about me being angry than she let on. I once asked her why she wore glasses, since getting vision corrected takes all of thirty minutes, and she told me she preferred them because she could use them as a barrier. Some Teachers do prefer a focus when they are blanking the slate. I've personally never needed one, but the glasses seem to work for her. The rest of her accessories wax and wane as needed to bolster their effect. Perfume is her final defense. The smell always makes me wish I had a final defense.

We get settled into my rather sterile dining room, and once I have dry clothes and mugs in front of us both, I start talking.

“I'm having more trouble than I expected with Asha this week.”

Caroline suppresses a giggle. “Poor Desmond. When things don't go according to plan, your world comes crashing down.”

“Yes, it does! You know what I caught her and Nanda doing yesterday when I came to collect her? They'd accessed the personnel files and were reading up on every empathic student on campus. I got angry and handled it poorly, I'm afraid. I regret yelling at them now—there's no point in punishing someone who can't understand the rules they've broken—but if someone else catches her breaking them, it will not go well for either her or me!”

Caroline's eyes grow wide, and she almost spits out her coffee in her rush to respond. “How... how did they get into those?”

I groan and run my hands through my hair again. I am sure by now I look quite mad. “I quote: 'The girl who signed us in on our first day thought the word so loudly I couldn't forget it.'”

“She... stole the password to our private files?”

“Yes! And I can't get her to understand why it was wrong of her to do it! And she keeps asking these questions I can't answer, and it's only making us both more confused!”

“Like what?” Caroline pours herself another mug of coffee.

“When I'd gotten Asha calmed down and away from Nanda—here, I'll show you.” I pull up the recording of our conversation on my wristband.

“Did I do something wrong?” the band asks in her earnest, soft voice.

“Not this time. If you do it again, then it would be wrong, because you'd know better.”

“I am not sure why this is bad. I know them all already, anyway. I just wanted to see what planets they were from.”

“It's a rule, Asha. A matter of privacy. Passwords are private.”

There is a long pause before the recording ends with her muttering “I do not understand privacy.”

I close down the file with another groan. “And nothing I have said has made her understand. You try teaching a Type Three about privacy sometime. They've never had any! There is absolutely no frame of reference!”

She rolls her eyes at me over the edge of her mug. “I doubt I will ever get the chance to teach a Type Three, Desmond. You have more than your fair share of them already.”

“Not for lack of trying, trust me. Aki threatened me with dishonorable discharge today if I asked her to reassign Asha again.”

Caroline lowers her mug to the table with a damp slam and leans toward me. “Reassign Asha? Desmond, you can't be serious!”

“Caroline, I know who her father is, and she doesn't know how to respect personal boundaries. Think about it! You have no idea what it's like to be in that situation.”

“You'd be surprised. Guess who invited herself to sit in on Reid's lesson yesterday?”

It is my turn to set my mug down and stare. “What!”

“Yes. When I got annoyed and told her she had to leave, she gave me the most spectacular pout I have ever seen, and I actually felt guilty!”

“She does that,” I mutter, wiping at a condensation ring developing on the table. “I assume you let her stay?”

“Reid told me it was alright. If he hadn't said anything, I would have made her leave.”

There is an important pause as we both take the time to really think about that sentence. I drain the rest of my tea before replying. “I thought Reid did his best to avoid social interaction? I heard his roommate moved out on him last week.”

Caroline shakes her head. “Let's not go into that story. Reid's antisocial, yes, which is why when I found he was so interested in Asha I told him to go see her.” She gives me an apologetic smile. “He's fascinated by her, Desmond. I asked him to give me a report on their encounter, and he was so analytical!”

“What do you mean?” I've never seen Caroline this excited over one of her students.

“He wants to find out who she really is, he says. He says the way she thinks is fun.”

“Did having her around distract him during the lesson?”

She shakes her head emphatically, and her bangs begin to tangle wildly. “No! He put in the best work I've seen since we were assigned together, and was comparatively pleasant! Asha didn't say a word. She just sat in the corner and watched... well, something. It looked like she was trying to melt the desk three rows over, actually.”

I grin and nod. “She does that.”

Her smile fades, and she looks at me sternly. “You know what this means, don't you?”

“It means something?”

“Desmond, I think they should spend time together more often!”

“Caroline, I am not about to start orchestrating the social life of my student.”

She snorts in annoyance and shoves her drained mug toward the center of the table. “That is not what I mean at all. He's the first... non-empath—” she says the phrase with a touch of irony—“she has shown interest in, correct?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“And she's the first person he's ever been willing to spend time around. Having them interact can only be beneficial to them both!”

I shake my head. “Caroline, I don't feel comfortable with this. It's not our job to pick our students' friends.”
She sighs at me, clearly annoyed. There's color in her cheeks, and she is rapping her fingernails against my dining room table. I'd never tell her this, but she looks amazing when she's angry. “Fine. But if she keeps coming to his lessons, can I let her stay? I promise she's only an observer. I'd never try to Teach her.”

“Regardless, she will be learning from you,” I point out.

“Desmond, she's bored.”

“I am more aware of that than you realize,” I snap, and then instantly regret it. Her eyes narrow and she leans back in the chair, crossing her arms.

“Look,” I continue. “You can let her stay if you want, but she is incredibly powerful. She gets in your head without you feeling it, and in a few sessions she'll probably know several things about you she shouldn't.” I watch her consider this for a few moments before going on again. “And Reid has to let his guard down to train with you, which means he is more vulnerable than he'd prefer around her. Even if he did allow her to stay the last time, there is no way he will take that with grace for long.”

She sighs and buries her fingers in her bangs. “You're right, Desmond. You're always right.”

“You're not going to tell her no, are you.”

“Nope. But I am having a long talk with Reid. It will be his decision.”

Personally, I have quite a few misgivings with this situation, but if Caroline isn't Teaching her, there is nothing I can do to stop it. Like I said, I have no control over the personal lives of my students. I get up and silently take our mugs to the kitchenette. After a moment, Caroline rises and follows me, leaning against the door frame and watching me clean up.

“I have an idea, about the privacy thing.”

“Oh?” I shuffle through some stray tea bags and file them away on their shelf.

“What is the one thing she would want to hide if she could?”

I blink at her. “That's easy. Her eyes.”

Caroline shakes her head. “Such a shame. They really are beautiful, aren't they?”

“I suppose.”

She snorts again, clearly unimpressed with my response. “Anyway. Frame your discussion around that. See if it helps.”

I turn and face her. “Thank you. I will be sure and tell you how it goes.”

She grins and shakes her head. “Don't bother. I'm doing this to help me, not her.”

“I'm not sure what you mean.”
“If she learns to respect privacy, I have less to worry about when she visits.” She checks her wristband and sighs. “I need to go, Desmond. I have a dinner date with one of my graduates in on leave. She wants to catch up.” Her heels clack gently on the blue kitchen tile as she takes a few steps closer. “I'm sorry I snapped at you, by the way.”

I shake my head. “I should be apologizing, not you. I—” but she cuts me off with a swift hug and is out the door before I have time to form an adequate response. Either way, I suppose my apology was accepted. I check my own wristband and find I have the entire evening free. I might as well try out Caroline's new angle and see if I can make any progress with Asha. I connect to Nanda's wristband and ask if they are both free to see me for a moment.

“No, sir, we are not busy,” was his gentle reply.

“I'll drop by your dorm in a few minutes, then. Thank you, Nanda.”

He closes the transmission without saying goodbye, but at least he has a better grasp of how they work than Asha. She still does not wear hers half the time, and never answers when someone calls her on it. No wonder the Fleet requires active, full members to allow them to be welded on.

I head out the door after brushing my hair, and am soon back at Hanakawa. I remove my shoes and step into the entryway to find Nanda and Elene trying to coax Asha around the corner from the kitchen.

“Asha-na, he is here,” Nanda murmurs at her in their language, and I hear a quiet grunt in reply. Both of them spend too much time coddling her, and it is becoming less effective as she becomes more assertive.

“Asha, come talk with me and Nanda,” I say clearly. Nanda takes the hint and moves to sit on one of the low cushions they've had brought in to the dorm's common room. The chairs bother them. I move to sit on one across from him, and Elene attempts to sit next to me, but I shake my head quietly. She gives me a sheepish smile and moves upstairs.

“Asha,” I say again, and this time her head peeks around the corner. One hand and one vivid eye are clearly visible against the white of the door frame.

“Are you here to shout at me again?” she asks in Kiranese.

“No. In fact, I am here to say I am sorry for yelling.”

“Good,” she replies, and moves to sit next to Nanda. I am pleased by how easy it was to get her over here. Despite everything, she does seem to trust me.

“Nanda, Asha.” I make eye contact with them both before continuing. “I really am sorry for yelling today. I was angry because I was scared.”

“Why were you scared, Desmond?” The way she says my name is hauntingly familiar, but I force myself to ignore the memories it recalls. “We have been trying to understand all day how we scared you.” Nanda nods and leans forward, clearly concerned.

“If someone else had seen you doing that, you both could be in a lot of trouble,” I reply. “That is why I got scared, and yelled.”

Asha slams her hands down on either side of the cushion in a sudden fit of anger. “But I do not understand why what we did was wrong!” She takes several heavy breaths and stares up at me pleadingly. “Why can you not make me understand?” Nanda slides his hand quietly over hers and she takes it, trying to stay focused
.
“I am here now to try to help you understand, Asha. Are you ready to listen?” I start each of our lessons with this question. If she says no, I allow her more time to find a focus. But now she nods, and I am able to start right in.

“Do you know what a contact lens is?”

She stares at me for a moment, learning about it from my mind, then shakes her head. Sometimes she makes me feel like a computer.

“It is a soft piece of plastic that can be used to change eye color. Actors use them quite often when they play certain characters.”

“I understand.”

“If you could have had brown contact lenses on Old Earth, would it have made things easier for you?” I ask quietly. Her shoulder jerks suddenly and she looks right at me, wide-eyed, mouthing the question back at me.

“I...” She is confused, but Nanda sees where this is going, as I hoped he would.

“Think about my village, when we found you? If you could have opened your eyes in the sick room and had brown eyes instead of blue, would that have changed how everyone treated you?”

Asha's eyes become glassy. She is trying not to cry. “Yes, I think so.”

“Privacy is like you wearing brown contact lenses.”

There is a long pause as she considers this. “But my eyes are not actually brown.”

I shake my head, waiting to see where she is going with this.

“So privacy is... lying?”

It is my turn to pause and consider. Seamus used to ask me awkward questions like this. They never get any easier to answer.“No, Asha, privacy is keeping yourself from being hurt by other people.”

“The things in your head that you will not let me see... if I knew them, it would hurt you?” She is looking me full in the eyes now, completely herself. I am so damned proud of her in this moment I can hardly bear it.

“Yes, it would. Privacy allows us to choose who learns what about us. It would be like you wearing the contact lenses, and only showing some people your true eye color when you knew they could be trusted and would not hurt you.”

“I-I think I understand. I do not see why so much should be private, like you and Reid seem to like, but I see why I should not take it personally.”

“Good,” I say, and don't bother hiding my relief. For the first time, I feel like this might end well for all involved after all.

She stares at me again, then pulls herself forward so we are knee-to-knee, putting her hands on mine and looking up into my eyes. “I will not try to get everywhere in your head anymore, Desmond. I do not want you to be hurt. I just wanted to know you better.”

“Thank you, Asha. That is very nice of you.” I look at Nanda over Asha's head and ask him if I might speak to Asha without him in the room. He nods pleasantly and moves upstairs without a fight. Over the past few weeks I have managed to gain his trust, and spending time with Asha has become much easier.

“I have one other question for you, Asha.”

She moves to the cushion next to me and begins to scratch circles into the carpeting we are sitting on.

“Yes?”

“Do you like sitting in on Reid and Caroline's lessons?'

“I do,” she says slowly.

“May I ask why?”

“I understand why Caroline feels so lonely all the time.”

I suddenly feel like I shouldn't have asked that question, but Asha continues before I can stop her. “She and I feel lonely for the same reasons, so I feel better when I am around her. I want her to feel better, too.”

“Asha, she might not want you to know that.”

“She does not, which is why I do not talk to her about it. But she is scared of Reid, too, bec—“

I cut her off swiftly. “Please don't tell me why, Asha.”

“I am sorry,” she says sadly. “Privacy, right?”

“Yes, privacy.”

“Reid is lonely, too,” she continues. “I think. He is closed off all the time, but when he opens up to train I feel so sad....” she looks up at me again, her eyes dim. “He is hurt, too.”

“Do you want to fix them both? Is that why you go?”
She shakes her head from side to side several times. “No, Desmond. I cannot fix them.” Her voice makes it clear she thinks that was a stupid question.

“So why do you go?”

“Because it is nice to know I am not the only person who feels those feelings.”

There is nothing I can say to that, so I let the silence stretch out. After a few minutes, Asha tires of drawing circles and wipes them away with one smooth sweep of her hand.

“And....”

I look down at her and wait for her to reply.

“When I am around Reid I know me. He-he does not let anything out, so I know that what I am thinking is mine. It is nice,” she adds softly.

“I can see why you want to be near them, Asha,” I start carefully, “But will you do me a favor, just in case?”

“Of course,” she says earnestly.

“If Reid or Caroline ask you not to go, please don't.”

The thinks on this for a few moments, and when she speaks again her voice is sad. “Privacy?”

“Yes, privacy.”

“I will not, since you asked me,” she starts. “But Desmond, why do you all act like keeping each other out is a good thing?”

Another of those awkward questions. I used to think teaching would get easier with time. “Habit, I guess, Asha.” Her questions will probably never stop surprising me.

She sighs and gives me a disappointed look. “No wonder everyone here is so broken.”

“What?”

But she stops talking there, and I am forced to leave without an answer.