Chapter 28: Asha

“Asha-na, look at me.” Desmond’s voice is making me realize I still rely too much on being able to read people to understand their emotions. It is sharp, but I do not know why. Worry-anger, or annoyance. I do not want to hear what he is saying and so I take a sip of tea.

“Five minutes, Teacher Doyle,” says a disembodied voice. I am told we are being recorded so we cannot talk about anything wrong. I wanted to talk to him in my language, but there is no one here who understands it and so we are not allowed.

“Asha-na,” he insists.

I look at the feed panel. He is frowning. “What?”

“You shouldn't do this.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that.”

“Then perhaps you should listen!” I try to imagine what his mind would feel like if I were allowed to check.

“Desmond, I do not understand why what I am doing is bad.” I am tired of saying those words. This planet makes no sense. “Why does no one want me to help Seamus?”

His hands slide through his hair. “I want you to help Seamus. We all do. But I'm worried about this test you've agreed to today.”

“Why?” I wish I could read him. It would make it so much easier to understand.

“Because truth is subjective. You’re taking a big risk for very little potential gain. You have to answer any question you’re asked, you know.”

Reid chuckles from the couch behind me. “Thank you, Desmond. Been trying to think of a clear

way to say it all morning.”

I look between them both. “But that makes no sense at all.”

“Four minutes,” says the voice.

“Asha, you can take this test, and you can tell them Seamus didn't shoot that man in the stomach, and it will say you're right. But if you took one of the witnesses out of the crowd and asked them, and they said he did it, the machine would also say they were right.”

“Then it is not testing for the truth!”

He laughs, but I do not think he is happy. “Exactly. It is testing for belief.”

Now I am the one frowning. I think I know what he is trying to say, but I still do not understand why it is bad. “But it will still help Seamus if I do this. If the judges and Rayland know that I am not lying, they will listen.”

“I hope so. We all just wish you weren't involved at all. We want to keep you safe, Asha-na.”

Reid looks at the panel on the other wall where a number keeps getting larger on the screen. Clock. I dislike them just as much as I did when I arrived. “Asha, Aria will be here soon. You need shoes and a clean shirt.”

“Desmond, I am sorry, but I need to go.”

He looks at me strangely. “I'm proud of you. Do you know that?”

“I do know that. Thank you.”

“I don't know why I keep being surprised at how stubborn you can be.”

I do not realize that was a strange thing to say until I am walking out of the door and into the busy streets of the city. No one told me the Capital would be so large. There had been more people and buildings at the University than I had ever seen in my life, but that had not prepared me for here. Every time I enter the crowds I reel and Reid has to hold me steady until I can shut out all of the curious minds. The courtroom feels the same because of all the feeders and I know I will be exhausted when I am done today.

Reid and Aria sit down together in the stands and I am left alone up front. The judges talk but I have trouble listening because I am not allowed to feel their minds. Most of it is for the feeders, so it does not matter that my attention has wandered. I swing my legs and stare at the other Type Three in the crowd.

I noticed her instantly the first time I was here even though Aria told me we were not supposed to know who she was. It was impossible not to because she felt familiar. She felt like Seamus felt. We have tried to give each other distance like the rules tell us we are supposed to but I can feel her mind slowly mixing with mine all the same. She does not want to be here. She is frightened.

She is Kiranese. I do not understand why she is frightened but I am not. I want to ask Seamus if this planet will ever make more sense but I have not been able to feel him since Reid called me back. I look at her and swing my legs in their silly chair but she will not meet my eyes for more than a flicker. Grey eyes. Hair that is darker than Elene-Keven’s but still blonde. She acts like prey with a hawk circling overhead as she sits in the crowd.

“Ms. Indrani? We’ve asked you a question.” The judge in the middle looks down at me kindly, and I gasp.

“Oh, no! I am sorry. I was distracted by all the people. You all have very pretty faces.” Several of the boys standing behind the cameras laugh. I think one with green eyes winks.

“Are you ready to begin the questioning?”

“Yes.” Why are my hands shaking?

Someone I have never seen before turns on a feed panel behind me and starts putting wires on me. My eyes must have gotten wide because the judges make reassuring noises while the feeders chuckle and shove each other. When I am attached to the machine, the lawyer with the grey hair steps forward and bares his teeth at me. Nanda was right to call him a predator.

“Are you comfortable, Ms. Indrani?”

I shake my head. “No, I am not.” The panel must agree with me, because the green-eyed feeder is smiling again. He likes me and he knows Elene—

No. Stay out of their heads, Asha. You promised.

“I am sorry.”

“What was that?” Rayland looks up from where he keeps his notes.

“I was not talking to you.” I swing my feet and feel one of my sandals slide onto the floor. He shakes his head at me and closes the datapad. As he sits down the lawyer on my side stands and walks toward me. Karen.

She smiles at me. “Let’s have some control questions first. Are you Asha Indrani?”

“No.”

The machine agrees, and everyone looks confused. The middle judge rubs at his temples.

“Explain, please.” Karen looks worried.

“I am Asha. I have no surname.”

“According to our files, you do.”

I shrug my shoulders. “It would not let me not have a last name, so I borrowed the name of my friend who came with me. But I am not really an Indrani. I am just Asha.”

Rayland is clenching his jaw. I try to find Reid in the crowd, but he is staring at the floor.

Karen moves on. “Very well, Asha, are you really nineteen?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Are you half-Native, half-Kiranese?”

“Yes.” These questions are annoying and my hands will not stop shaking which makes no sense because I like Karen.

Rayland smiles and stands up. “Well, everything looks like it’s working properly. Shall we move on to the real questions?”

I nod. “Are you going to be asking them?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes.” When I say this, the feeders laugh more loudly than I have heard before.

His smile fades. “And why is that a problem, Ms. I—Asha?”

“I do not trust you.” When I say this, even the judges chuckle.

He shakes his head at me. “I thought they taught your kind tact at the University.”

“Watch it, Rayland,” says the female judge, giving me a smile I think is supposed to reassure me. She thinks I am like a child even though I am not. The perspectives in the room are all too different and I—no. I press my shaking hands against my knees and take a deep breath to focus. It was not this hard last time.

“Asha, have you ever been seeded?”

I think of Keven and his hands and tongue and shudder. “Yes.”

“That is unsurprising, given the nature of your talent.” He glances at the judges but they do not say anything so he continues. “Which makes me wonder, have you ever seeded anyone?”

Nanda and Reid in the green. “Yes.” The feeders roar like a pack of animals and the middle judge shakes his head and makes a note.

“That doesn’t really help your argument, you know.” Rayland’s smile is wide. He thinks he has won.

“I have nothing to hide. You may ask me for specifics, unless you are worried they will hurt yours.” The feeders are back on my side because the machine is agreeing with me. The judges smile but Rayland is not any more.

“Enlighten us, then.”

I see the girl with the grey eyes. Her forehead is covered in sweat and she is clutching at the bench with pale hands. We stare at one another while my mouth tells Rayland and the judges about how Reid and Nanda got into a fight and I calmed them down so there would not be a riot. The machine agrees which relaxes everyone in the crowd except her.

Rayland chuckles. “So what, you only use your powers for good?”

“Yes.” I only realize that was a question I was not supposed to answer when the middle judge laughs and slaps his desk with his hand. But the machine agrees, and Rayland’s eyes narrow. Reid is going to yell at me again for baiting him but I did not mean to. I am still bad at realizing when people are asking rhetorical questions.

No one is laughing now because of the way Rayland is snarling at me. I have made an enemy and his eyes make me wonder if Desmond was right and I should not have come. He takes a deep breath and smooths a strand of hair away from his eyes. “That’s all well and good, Asha, but I have to wonder. You say Seamus was seeded, and the detector agrees, but I can’t help but think you might not have all of the information.”

I blink at him, and one of the judges sighs. “Rayland, she’s a Type Three. She obviously knows Seamus very well.” He is thinking of Seamus on the boat and the picture.

“True, or so she thinks. But Asha, were you telling the truth when you said you didn’t know who your biological father was?”

“Yes. Why would I lie to you?”

He ignores the question even though it was one I wanted to be answered. “And you also are not aware that your Teacher, Desmond Doyle, is your biological uncle?” His teeth flash and I feel pain.

My hands are fists and something is wrong with my lungs but I have to keep speaking even though the room has started to spin. “No, I did not know that.”

“If you didn’t manage to learn such an important fact from someone you spend every day with, can we be sure you know Mr. Walsh as well as you say?”

I am not supposed to answer that question, but it is wrong! He is wrong and I need to make him listen. “It is different. Desmond asked me to stay out of his head. He asked for privacy.”

He is angry. I can feel it even though I am not supposed to and his face is red. “You expect me to believe that you didn’t absorb everything that was in his head just because he asked you not to?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth the middle judge smiles because he thinks it was not in his best interests to have asked.

“Yes. He asked me not to, and so I did not.” Something is wrong with my voice. As I fall to the floor, the grey-eyed girl whines and crumples. I am on my hands and knees and people have half-risen to come help me but are worried because I am shaking my head. “I cannot. Rayland. It did not matter. You just told me that because you wanted me to be upset!” My voice is too loud and I see Aria stagger. No, no! I cannot do this again but my hands are clutching at my hair and I am curling up because they are all worried and angry and scared and I have done nothing wrong—

Reid is beside me now, face grim, whispering in my ear in Native. “Asha-na, please. Stand up. It is okay.”

“No, it is not.” My voice cracks but his arms are around me and he is pulling me to my feet even though now the feeders will know for sure that we are together and he has been trying to avoid them since we came here. The judges are yelling and we are being escorted out a side door and told to go back to the hotel but my legs are not working right. Reid picks me up and holds me to him and I press my face into his chest and let his heartbeat relax me even though it does not stop me from crying.

The feed panel in the hotel is already telling me that Desmond is trying to talk to me but I cannot especially if he does not know what happened yet. Reid knows better than to mention it. Instead he puts us both on the bed and wraps me in his arms.

“Did you know?” I slide my arms under his shirt and he hisses quietly.

“Had wondered. Thought he might be your father, actually.” His voice is soft in my ear.

I shake my head and giggle despite myself. “Life does not work that way.”

His hands begin to unfasten one of my braids. “Makes more sense now. Don’t think the Fleet would touch you if your father were still here. That’s why I was so confused about how Desmond acted around you.”

“Desmond’s brother is dead.”

He kisses my shoulder and does not respond.

“I wonder if he knew my mother.” It would explain why he never wanted to talk about Old Earth with me if he had.

“Have to talk to him to find out, Asha.” He gestures at the feed panel with his thumb, and I shake my head.

“Later. I cannot.” He pulls me on top of him so he can get at my other braid. I let him unwind it and then kiss him on the mouth. “You are worried.”

He sighs. “You almost fell apart in the court room.”

“He did that on purpose!” My hands start to shake again.

“I know, but I’m worried how that’s going to look to people who don’t know you.”

I think about their feeders and the cameras and am suddenly scared. I start crying again and Reid pulls me against him tightly and rolls us over so he becomes a blanket. He is so much taller than I am that it makes me feel secure.

“No, no. I’m sorry, Asha. It’s okay. If it’d been a problem they wouldn’t have let us leave.”

“I should have listened to you and Desmond.”

He sighs and kisses me on the forehead. “Well, yes. But I’m proud of you.”

I laugh again. “Those are interesting words for you to say.”

“Hush.”

I start to speak again, but he stops me with his mouth. As his lips find mine he lowers his guard and his feelings flood me like they always do. He likes overwhelming me like this because of the noises I make and how I arch my back and press against him.

By the time his tongue has traced its way to my neck we have stopped worrying.